days

im starting to feel burnt out. from what? not doing anything thats what! i mean, not working or having some sort of schedule or structure happening. yesterday we went to rons pool and i layed out in the sun and listened to music, then got in the hot tub. we picked ron up from the airport. after that moss and i went to a nice restaurant in NOHO called the federal bar and tried the poutine they have there. i had a dark beer and a newcastle. they were having trivia night so we did that, and since moss knows alot of trivia, we were doing pretty well, until some of the larger groups started passing us. its ok, the winning group only won a 20.00 gift certificate and 2nd was 15.00 (plus a round of drinks). it was cool tho.

i am starting to question things. well, i need to have $ saved away. that is what i keep telling moss. i am not mentally prepared without money stored away in my bank account. i am just not. i like having my own place, and being joined to the gym, and actually working! i really didn't mind working at penn foam, i just needed a break from mike. i just need to feel in charge of my life. i don't spend what little money i do have in my bank account, but i have things like cell phone and car insurance that gets extracted every month, and its not going to last much longer!??

sigh. i like to do fun things, but i also need to be working, so it seems like a treat when i do go out, you know? when i just wake up and have nothing going on, well, it does get depressing.

and i want good people in my life. i want people that actually like me and enjoy spending time with me. i want to enjoy wine at dusk (not when its chilly outside tho)...

i want to go to the movies. i want to go for motorcycle rides. i want to go to haunted houses and disney world and explore, and comic con (in ny now), and kamikazecon??

i want to be able to just feel like i am where i want to be in life. and yes, i do want to get married and have kids.

i need to find out things. everyone thinks its great that i am out here, but when i just sit around during the day wasting it...its not a very fulfilling feeling. and i want to work. 

ughh....who knows?