Thoughts....

Places I need to visit before I commit to another full time job, and kids:

Thailand (to volunteer), Cuba, (cuz..why not? It is like re-living a postcard era, complete with retro cars and colorful buildings)...Africa, (to go on a safari and to see the Great Pyramids), Greece, (to see the beauty and dine on the Mediterrean (sp??) cuisine, Italy, (to see the beauty and to drink the Italian wine,) Ireland, (to see where my roots came from, and to experience the Hobbit dwellings), Japan, (to see the hustle and bustle of futuristic-esque Tokyo, and to visit the zen gardens, Paris, (to see the Eiffle Tower, a building I seem to be attracted too...not attracted, you know what I mean..)...and THEN!! There is New Orleans, (to see the sights from Interview with the Vampire...a vampire...??, and to see the southern life with the plantations...), Disneyland (in Florida..) as an adult, just to wander and feel the wonder again. And to explore. Perhaps club 33?), Las Vegas, (ON MY OWN TERMS!!! NOT MOSS STYLE! but tourist style. I never went once to vegas a a genuine tourist, cept that one time with moss when we just went, and it was not relaxing for me..,see, I want to go to a cirque de soleil show, I want to watch Britney Spears perform, I want to go on that pod ferris wheel and enjoy a drink, you have your own pod. I want to do that reverse skydiving, I remember I used to have the card of the person who ran one he said I can do it for free next time I am in Vegas but I since lost it. It was with the Anand Jon crew...I would like to do the zipline down Fremont Street. I want to go out to the Hoover Dam and the Grand Canyon. I want to shop in the casinos. I want to do enjoyable things like this, Moss doesn't enjoy that sort of thing. He does not care about the beauty in nature. I want to go up to Canada again, to see my relatives and to enjoy my country and have some poutine. My list is whittling down, but once I do all this, then I can settle and commit. Unless I found a man to explore with! Mike will never go to these places with me. The only place him and I ever went to was Gettysburg, the shore, and to visit his folks in S.C. Mike cannot afford to now. He works but he also pays child support, and his rent and bills. It is tough working a little bit over minimum wage. We do not work min. wage, but we are blue collar? I am union. I have a degree in graphic and web design, I am very creative and I do have a vision of writing and creating. I just need to push to shove. I need to do it. Moss always tells me, I am good with computers...whatever that means. I can type??

I also have a degree in pharmacy technician, (which does not exactly mean anything.) I plan on striving for what is best for me, and I will do it. ON MY OWN! I do not need Moss or Mike or anyone telling ME what to do...

See. I do not think Mike understands. You see, I live in public housing for now. Not to brag, or not to piss any taxpayers off, but this house is income based. I do not plan on living here forever, but it is nice to have my own place for the time being, while saving money. Eventually, I want to live in a nice country farm house, this is when, (or if), I will ever have a family. It  does not mean once I get married and have a child, I will never travel again. Of course not, but I will travel as a family! Trips to DisneyLand, Hawaii, road trips to Canada, even visiting Moss is Las Vegas for family fun will occur. My thirties has been a misguided time, lost, not having a plan. I attempted to break free, (leaving Mike), but got side tracked by Friday Nights after a long week at work. He wants me to apply at his job, since they are hiring. That is fine and all, but I am not ready to commit to another full time job. Not just yet. I just got my freedom (somewhat), back. I have trips I want to take. I am a single woman, no children. I am allowed to. Ok?

That being said, if you do not work here, you pay 50.00 a month for rent. Yeah. We also get free heat and electricity, and garbage disposal, and a utility guy on call if something breaks down. It is a pretty comfy place, I can see why some people have babies and live here forever. I will never do that, however. My neighbors are on disability, and they pay nothing, no community service. I am not upset with them as a taxpayer myself, which I am, but....I would like to take some time off while I can, and just enjoy life again. I did go on a trip this weekend, yes, but did I truly enjoy it? As I try to reflect back, I just get these very strange feelings, a weird energy I suppose. I cannot honestly say I truly enjoyed this trip. I will write more later however. Got to go to work....

TBC...