life

i want to get a lite brite and do that ignignot character from athf....i also want to start a new youtube channel where i will do cooking ideas, or just recipe and seasoning and flavoring such as popcorn seasoning, corn on the cob, and flavored spa waters, also basic cooking techniques for breakfast, lunch and dinner...so tips...well, it is sad but sage will be leaving. we didn't do much. i took off friday and today and we didn't even do anything!??! i am actually kid of glad that she is leaving because then it will allow me to focus on myself and what i want.

what do i want? i just know that since i became 'free', i didn't really enjoy myself. i immediantly went to pick up sage in south carolina, which was a nice little trip....then work....and sage was with her mom on the weekend...

i had family stuff going on, pow-wows, and the past two saturdays was RAIN, so i really did not do anything fun. mike wants to go to gettysburg this weekend. i would go, but it will be so busy.

i am kind of over my job. i just want to enjoy myself. i do not get drunk anymore. have i had a beer? yeah, sure, but i do not drink in excess. i met seamarina on friday night, my parents went to steel stacks so i went and met her. we went to mcgradys' (i didnt have my id...)...meh..no big deal. it was boring.

so what else....well sage will be going home, which is sad, but now i can focus on myself. i am SO bored here!! if i had a child to take care of, i would not think about taking off, but since i am single, what is holding me back? this past year has SUCKED! actually, since i left living at mikes house, about 2 years ago. (remember i was skinny and ready to take on the world!??) i went out to LA and did lots of fun things, but then i came back to NJ, started working for express temp agency, then i got my DUI, and after that, everything SUCKETH

i want to travel while i still can!

atlanta georgia WILLIAMS STREET; NEW ORLEANS, VOLUNTEER IN COSTA RICA NEXT YEAR (MISSIONARY TRIP WITH THE CHURCH), VOLUNTEER IN THAILAND, italy, tokyo and japan, PARIS, egypt...ireland

so many places SO MANY PLACES!

oh man!! mike wants me to move back in with him. i feel like he....he will kill himself, he says life is not worth it but it is! i just...he is not the right one. he is not enthusiastic about living. i am.

i want to get married, have a family. i am getting older. i mean, i want a kid ok? but i want to travel...

i want to be happy, you know? i want to live for myself, for a while. i have not met anyone worth settling down yet. i love mike but i can't....

i want someone who is financially secure so that we can get a nice house! so we can travel. so we can take our kids places.

my parents want grandkids. i mean, they will have another one with lisa, but what about me?

i am sick of being the one going to all the baby showers, bridal showers, weddings. when will i ever have my own showers? that is why i just want to take off for a bit and travel.

FUCK