i want to disappear....

i cant afford to just disappear, into the mountains somewhere, (the bush, as canadians call it), yeah, you know, just go up north, hide out in a cabin where i just eat good, healthful meals, work out etc...and write! would be lovely wouldnt it? i actually thought, i would like to disappear....forget all this nonsense, blogging...sometimes i feel sort of acknowledged in a stupid way, then other times, i dont even feel....like...any of this even matters my incessant falafaling my fingertips like so, the words just pardoning themselves amongst this screen. you know, it never fails, i heated up a lean cuisine, and always, people mosey on up, or older guys would be like, "whatchya got back there" or something similar which is really annoying! im like, i just want to eat and not be all rosy and what not we dont even have breaks! i do feel better because i ate now, i might have another tea. from now on, well, i often try to avoid eating chips or bagels, alot of times i do eat the fruit cups we have here, which is good...i can actually manage to eat ok IF i bring in my own lean cuisines, but are thoes really good for you? you know what i mean? eating a microwaveable meal isnt exactly fresh organic fruits and vegetables....i wish i can just make my own food. i can start brown bagging it to work, per se...such as snacks like baby carrots, hummus, (for the chickpea factor), i can even bring in some chickpeas to heat up for lunch, baby spinach, carrots, sesame seeds, a light dressing...i can drink lots of green tea throughout the day, because they say it is good for you. i can take my vitamins and supplements, and i can have a nutritional lean cuisine, but mostly, the diet i want to go on is mostly fruits and vegetables. i really want to eliminate processed foods, sodium, and starches. its hard tho, today when i came in i had a toasted everything bagel then i got hungry and got a snickers from the vending machine....walnuts good. i also read that safflower oil, good ! so i want to get that, as well as...

CLA capsules and raspberry ketones (??whatever that is?) i should start eating breakfast too, perhaps waking up at 9 to have a good, healthful breakfast, also need to start working out for sure....well..............whatever sigh...