Thoughts

Hi...so, i have been thinking alot. im not really happy where i live. i need sunshine, i thrive on it! i do not like dark places to live. i need sunlight pouring in through the windows! oh i was going to say about how when we were at the avn awards, we walked to our seats, but we passed tmz guy interviewing joe frances from girls gone wild. you see, i kind of wanted to stand around and check it out, but i noticed moss ushered me to the seats. erghh moss! i didnt want to sit jus then! well, i noticed after he sat me, he got up and left, (probably to go back to tmz and try to ask them questions.) that is just how moss is! i just thought about him well i wanted to write that because i was thinking about it and kept forgetting to blog that...why? because its irritating! also when i was living in hollywood, he wanted me to move into anywhere, he wanted me to move into a really dark depressing dank little apartment! i ended up moving into my sunshine filled studio! but now mike didnt listen to me he took the fun out of looking for apartments because he had his friend weston show us around....and i didnt get to obtain a feel for any place....and now what the hell? i dont really like the place we are in now, i just dont!? its too dark...i mean, i like the backyard that i want to decorate, but i want to hang up my posters and pictures etc...and that wall is weird? i also LOVE SUNSHINE did i not mention!!??? i love when it is dusk and the sun pours in to the room in that late afternoon/early evening sort of way, on the EAST coast...i want to decorate with movie posters, like labyrinth, i also have a girl with the dragon tattoo poster, all of my signed posters too, (american dad people, mc chris, stormy daniels, ron jeremy, a few artists....) and i want to paint too, i want mosaics, i would like the creepy santa painting i saw but i doubt its there still...but we dont have anywhere to hang them really!?? i just need to decorate! plants!! you know, oh and i hate that i do not have my own room! i told mike i plan on just moving out eventually and getting my own place. he is ok with that, but how will that happen? i cant afford that! UGHH so annoying! i feel trapped almost! and i am sick of having to hear him tell me what to do! this morning he was like, "you know you can wake up earlier you dont have to sleep till 10 or 11." i just want to be happy and comfortable with my life! i want to be in charge of me and i do not want anyone else to tell me what i can and cannot do!

i was thinking about 80s vintage stuff for some reason, and how i like palm trees. oh because womans world magazine has these cool palm tree earrings and it reminded me of how i alswys had lisa frank stationary, stickers, trapper keepers, those cool unicorn ones, palm tree ones....etc...i think i want to get palm tree tattoos eventually too! and i want to paint! at walmart yesterday i saw a bunch of cool things in the craft sections. i used to make magnets! i told mike that and he said, 'well your older now' so!?? so just because im older doesnt mean i should forget about my creative side! i used to write books all the time, i mean, short stories! good ones too, i used to design outfits and make magnets! i would like to start again. i need to do things that make me happy! i also want to start buying clothes to wear, i still want my own individual style! i havent had style in SO long!!! now its like, im 'soup girl' what mike says, i wear boring clothes i never wear makeup...only if i go out which is seldom...i get catalogs all the time and see things i would like to order...

when i was at heartland, i had enough to start slowly getting things for myself, but now forget it. the airport does not pay alot, and i have bills, surcharges etc....this BLOWS! i need a better paying job! well here are some images i just saved, although i could not find the retro/vintage unicorns..

oh my god oh my god oh joy!! i just found an old folder i used to have , and just looking at it brings back so many memories!!! WOW! i used to draw and write and i had characters in a little composition type notebook, mean unicorn! punk pig! (I wrote that before too LOL! i wish i can find those i would try to take pics and post them!?? or not..
hmm...i do like 80s style i used to have a gumball machine too. and bella it is 80s week! like i stated...

this style is a little older than me, but i do like the palm trees!

i do think i had this stationary tho!

this image brings back memories!