yeah i dont have a good title so, today we celebrated my mom and my birthday..(not I...think?) hmm anyways, yeah so...we went to the peruvian restaurant it was good. i have pics on facebook...dont feel like posting them here. why? i get no comments i get no feedback...its just like, yeah ok...whatever..right? :( it was nice. so this friday is the art gallery/free wine at banana factory. this is something i would love to do! what sucks is, i have no friends who would want to celebrate my birthday with me. what sucks more is mike, who keeps telling me, 'no drinking'. im an adult you know, if i want to have wine who cares? i love the summer but to be honest, well....i just want to chill, hang out, drink some drank, listen to some good music, feel the breeze at dusk, my fave time of day. come on is this so hard to accomplish? gosh! im just, i did tell mike i wasnt going to drink anymore. i promised him, but now its like, its my birthday. id like to drink wine at dusk in bethlehem while looking at art. you know? i do not need to be told 'no drinking'...the fun in life seems to be sucked out. i just dont feel inspired. to be honest, sometimes the only things that are keeping me here is marble, and that i live here, i have stuff here....and that i am used to it...but even mike senses that we will not be together much longer...but why? why would that be? it would be because of me! because i get BORED! i get restless! i am a free spirit, i cant be TOLD what i can or cannot do! i just cant, damn! im not going to another IB party, most likely, because im not allowed too. what the hell is that? i cant hang out with my IB pals and buddies? i want to make mike happy, but i cant help but get annoyed at him...and agitated, and sick of being told what i can or cant do!!!! i'd like to enjoy the weekend, but i do not want to be told, 'no drinking' like im a kid. im an adult! and now i cant hang out with friends because i lied too many times? i just got home, the first weekend his dad came up and we didnt do anything fun! last wknd mike had to work saturday, so yeah i went out. i mean, you know why i did...i dont know? :/ i didnt have to go out either, i shouldnt of...bcuz due to that, now i cant even drink...slightly my problem bcuz i was hungover due to shots of soco...and i told mike i would not drink i dont have to drink i went to the family get together i still felt drunk and kind of weird..(it eventually wore off tho)....but yeah....so last saturday i didnt, i was at my familys all day mike went to your welcome inn tho, i didnt...so now this wknd is coming up, my birthday wknd nonetheless, and mike is gonna tell me i cant drink and if i can find a friend to go out with, well, im SOL because im not going to be allowed to anyways bcuz i need to redeem myself....
this is NOT how i pictured my life to be!!!! sorry to sound so miserable and bitter, i just...i dont know anymore. my lust for life has withered away...it is no longer existent. things are lame now, boring...i am supposed to just disappear, me and this here blog, into the clammy pits of the interwebz....the swamps of sadness...
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