going to the mall

So, I need to find an outfit for this Saturday, Lisas bachelorette party. All the other girls are going to dress up hot, slutty...whatever they said. I used to be hot! I remember I used to love getting ready to go out! I'd hype myself up with a nice shower, and a mixed cd I just burned with some good new tunes, you know! Get ready, put on makeup, have a nice outfit!!I used to be 20 lbs lighter too.. Funny, on the office just now, hes taking the ladies of dunder mifflen to the mall for...what? some sort of make-over? ha! so yeah, it would be fun getting ready to go out and yeah i would look good. i would get attention even if i was not trying too, ya know? now, i'm a pathetic slob! so when mike and i go out, like we did last friday with scott, some of those girls, (that were a tad less attractive than i back in the day), get up to play quoits, all jumping around in their alchohol-infused with confidence buzz, you can see mike looking at THEM, like they are so fun! so hot! so junpy! i used to look good...:/ now im frumpy, dumpy, uck!!! i don't have any nice clothes, and i gained weight so i feel like a chubster...i hate the clothes i have i don't have a nice pair of heels, i dont have the accesories i want...if i had money than yeah i would have a nice style and flair to me! also i am sick of not doing anything with my life. i want a job so i can start saving money...the office is funny in that way LOL i always thought mike kind of resembles toby when he takes off his glasses i have thought about making a blog about it but nah that would be too weird! oh my gosh! ok so....there is this guy i know from LA, ok? hes the singer of that band...kevin never talks. like, he has made it clear he is interested in me but uh...i do not feel any sort of attraction towards him ok? i mean, he is a very nice, down to earth, cute guy and all that, but um...i just do not like him like that. i met him when he was playing at this club in one of those weird desolute towns away from LA, i was hanging out with this weird french girl, donya, and she wanted to go check out a few bands that her friends set up or something im not sure? so we were chatting with them and stuff, we probably went to some after party im sure...thats how we used to roll, with the after party and what not. my life is so lame and boring now but thats fine! i wouldn't be able to do that stuff now. well, i guess he took down my number, oh yeah so he invited me to a party it was at a huge beautiful hollywood hills mansion, it was the writers who just got a grammy for the alicia keys song, (someone just sang that song on x factor tonight in fact)...at least thats what they all said...i dont know, i believe it. they had a beautiful mansion with a nice pool all decked out like it(the grammy winners did not their band)..song was you and me together! whatever i dont know?..here is a pic from their myspace page lolhttp://www.myspace.com/knt/photos/52254796#{%22ImageId%22%3A53154299}
anyways, i tried hanging out with him as friends in fact last time i hung out with him was when i was there during the summer we had a few drinks at one of the bars on hollywood blvd, that irish pub place...but i was going to go to my other friends house and he was going to come but i kind of just wanted to get rid of him, i mean! not to sound mean but i had the feeling he was going to try to kiss me or something, and he did! so i just told him im really not interested in him ok?? so we was like, 'ok well im gonna get going'...he still txts me from time to time..i mean, he is a nice guy i just aint feelin it! hes texts me and tells me i can live with him for free in hollywood. but then he would want me to be his girlfriend but he says it can be an open relationship...you know, most girls would probably take advantage of that, but i cant. besides, no. i dont care! it would be weird and stuff...and it wouldnt be my home! and i dont want to be his girlfriend! plus, thats kind of weird that he would just say that to me... and it wouldnt seem right. plus he seems much younger than me too and honestly im not into that either. i need to work and save up my money and decide what i want. sometimes the best thing to do is let go to what you are used too...and when mike calls me all sweet and nice talking about how marble misses me, well, that is my world..you know? that is what i am used too those are the ones that love me! they are the ones that care about me. mike and marble! marble and mike! yes my family does too but im just talking beyond family because that is a given. you know what im saying! so its just weird that he txts me like that? cant he find some silly, young airhead out there? who can use him and have an open relationship like he says? or maybe..oh i dont know! LOL! i dont know why im sharing this either over this weird internet!??!

back to going shopping, i feel so gross and plain and dumpy and sloppy. i want to feel good about myself again. which means, no more toast with white bread and butter before i go to bed, no more slices of pizza (what i had today), no more saltines with my tomato soup, no more soda! MORE veggies, fruits, protein, and nuts! NUTS!!! healthy food! also i need to start exercising. i want to do spin class again, 3 x a week, the other days i need to do my fitness workout dvds, especially abs. i want tight, toned abs and muscle definition. i want toned arms! i actually cant wait until lisas wedding is over so then i can focus on getting a job. i cant get one now only to tell them i need to take off you know? what should my plan be tho? i need one...

and then there is pursuing 'my dreams' whatever that is. yes i would love to work in entertainment. i mean, i dont know i am going to get frustrated if i think about moss because, he cant just tell me about when the ron/conan thing is happening? i dont know what that would entail either....he told me not to email the guy that told moss to make sure for me to email him, the one that worked on all those tv shows, well moss told me NOT to email him just like he told me NOT to call the management at my old apartment about my stuff in storage. he says, why email if your not there Lori? they are going to want you to be there and your not" which is why i call him bigmouth. because he doesnt know! i am a good judge of character NOT moss moss is a bad handler! BAD MK HANDLER!! (wow just joking! UGHH) alright thats enough now...