thursday night

hey! so...lately, i have been feeling VERY derpressed, just...you know...hopeless. i hate this feeling! all i do is either stay on the freaking internet all day either at my parents are in easton at mikes. it blows!!! i need a job, i need to get my car back. and i need a life! let's see. not like i need to go out all the time, im not in my early 20s anymore. i used to work during the week and look forward to the wknds, now honestly, it doesn't really matter, but hey, sometimes its nice to get out, you know? so last friday, mike told me, since he had to work early saturday he was going to drop me off at my parents. i was just like, ok, but he promised me he would take me out saturday night, which was fine with me. i didn't need to go out that friday. so he dropped me off by 6. around 1030 i texted him to see how he is doing he never txtd me back. so anyways, he picked me up saturday, he called me right at 12 noon saturday, which is odd because he sounded bright-eyed and bushy tailed, unusually so. usually he mumbles and waits to call me he never calls me on the spot. so, when i get to the house i see scotts bag in the kitchen. i got dropped off i forgot...my parents dropped me off. then i have one of mikes cigarettes out back and i see about 5 of scotts cigarettes in the ashtray. he usually smokes more than that, so that must of been his pre-going out smokes.. i go downstairs and see a natty ice can. so i start questioning mike. "when did scott get here?" oh like this morning...so he had a beer and all those cigarettes? mike started laughing. he does that when i catch him in a lie. then he said he picked scott up at the bus stop friday night. then it turned to him picking him up at mothers. erttt!!! mike said he lied and had a few drinks, at the house tho. i asked him how many. he said 3 or 4. i look at the rum bottle. he didnt drink at all because none was gone! (so he drank but not at the house like he said!) another lie! i think on sunday is when he told me they went to your welcome inn. what the hell? i wouldn't of cared if he wanted to just go with scott, but why lie to me about it? oh and saturday night, i thought mike said he was going to take me out, so i took a shower, put makeup on etc...did my hair. did we go out? nope! mike did buy beer and it was ok at first we sat in the kitchen (rather than in the basement where he falls asleep...we watched some youtube stuff, but we didn't really bond. no conversation really, just mike wanting to watch more and more hank the drunken dwarf videos on youtube. it would of been fun if him and i had a bond or we were joking amongst each other too, but that NEVER happens. and of course, around 11 mike got tired and went to bed. sigh. i hate the wknds. i used to look forward to the wknds, at least, especially since for the time being i just...yeah, do NOTHING!
i don't want to drink and be by myself and the internet, with facebook (or the asmbs) as my only source of companionship. i end up posting on facebook about listening to mozart or whatever i end up posting!?!! embarrassing! its just so dull anymore. :( so im in easton now ok? we were watching stand by me on vh1 (mike put it on) was weird bcuz mike went in the other room and then, well, i thought it was him. i looked up and saw a smaller stature walk in the room wearing a motorcycle jacket. AHH! it was scott. ha! he always just drops by like that. scott said he wanted to go out tonight but of course mike cant because he is working tomorrow. mike could of been cool and said, 'i cant go but lori can go with you'...but he didn't. i said to scott i'll go if you want someone to go with. (i dont have any money nor was i planning to drink..alot, but it would of been cool to get out and do something) to that mike replied, "mmp mm, i dont want you going out" making me feel like a child. i hate when he makes me feel this way. i could of went out and been alright, you know? makes me wonder, why would mike care if i hung out with scott for a bit? i would be fine. i wonder if he thinks scott might tell me if anything happened last friday? i dont think anything did happen i trust mike, but he should know i would be ok if i went and just hung out for a bit...but he is right i might of came back home with a 6 pack and mike would get mad, plus he works tomorrow too. if he would of asked me nicely to stay home i wouldn't be upset but he made me feel like a child, that is what upsets me. like i can't go out he always puts me down
 i try to talk to him and he just starts mumbling and goes to sleep, or says 'lisa' he thinks its funny but its really irritating....
 and i know mikes not going to want to do anything this wknd at all either. i forgot how it feels like to be alive. i would like to go out for sushi tomorrow night. i'm craving sushi! (pronounced sushee) and wine! go out and have fun!! im bored.