its ok now

i was hurt and upset, so i wrote that. the truth is, it is sort of my fault. i shouldn't of been so partial to the idea of new hope, maybe i did subliminally sabatage it? what i should of done was, have my parents pick up lisa and bring her to mikes in easton. from there we could of just left straight for new hope, (stopping briefly at nortons cork n bottle in pburg for wine, or better yet, i should of picked up a bottle before hand and uncorked it, then have pre drinks and take the wine with me. i don't think! i wait till the last moment, i'm on the internet till last minute. we should of had dinner at siams. if lisa was here, i would not of had my purse fall out, i dont think. i am very upset. than i saw that post that matt did which upset me. but i see he took that post down. lisa also apologized and said she had a good time. marta also was cool, she said it was fun and she agreed when i told her about mike. i just feel drained about it. what could of been a fun night was ruined. i mean, i wanted to hang out with them and have fun, take pictures with them. even tho everyone said sorry, i still feel bad.

i can't help but feel bad.

i think maybe....maybe i need to focus on getting my car back and getting a job. but lisas wedding is coming up now!

well, positivity folks

and i need my own apartment. i will NEVER live with mike. i like heat, i like lights, i like watching tv with hi def while being online too, so what?

i like incense. i do not want to move in with mike now. why live with someone who gets mad if i stay up later than 1230? i want my own apartment!!! i want to have friends and maybe a cute guy who is fun to hang out with me on the wknds. mike doesn't provide this. i'm done. i need a new outlook on life.

EDIT: after this mike and i got into a screaming match and he took me home.

i found out my mom said something on one of the comments to make them feel bad. i wish she didnt do that!??! now i look like a whiny bitch and they are not going to ever want me around!!

i know my mom was upset. she cares about me and she was upset that it seemed like no one cared. she misunderstood. they did come out to me! i was mad at MIKE! NOT the girls!!

i like marta. i like to go out and have fun. i dont know what my mom said...:/ i feel like such a lennie...im an idiot. I HAVE NO FRIENDS NO ONE LIKES YOU!!!

like that thing from lord of the rings...gollum...