vegas and stuff

So, I am really pushing people out of my life. I am literally pushing Moss out my life. Do I wish I had money, lots of money, so I can travel, have fun, take trips!? Of course I do! But I don't! Ok? I can not afford to fly out to Vegas every chance that pops up. First of all, I HATE THE FLIGHT! I HATE LAYOVERS AND I HATE COACH AND I HATE WINDOW SEATS! I'm not sure why Moss never got me exit seats at least?? I felt very awkward. Saturday night, night of the AVN awards, Moss got me this cheap bottle of vodka. So, I was making drinks, you know. I wasn't even sure if we would get into the awards show, but I just glided past the 'security'. It was ok, but boring actually. Mahhh!!! Then, Moss's friend was there. It was so weird tho. I mean, where does moss meet these women? Like, how did he know her? I don't care to ask actually..she was with another girl and her asian boss ??? IDK?, and some other guys that were very interested in buying them drinks.  it felt weird tho, like, idk, felt weird. like they were hookers or something..so, we got back into the awards, i went back to the room to make another drink. so, moss is lame and doesnt pick up on my cues. those girls were not interested in hanging out with moss tho, they wanted to go with the asian boss and the other nerdy guys to a strip club. moss was trying to pawn me off on them tho. HE. WANTED. ME. TO GO WITH THOSE PEOPLE. TO. THE STRIP CLUB!??!? LIKE, WHY!???! i made it known to him, that I DID NOT WANT TO GO!!! i dont even know them!? NO! so we ran into the other girl he knows, the girl with the short hair..and her boyfriend or??? IHNI (i have no idea)..i was getting more drunk tho. my fault. i should of stopped. if i was with a friend, it would of been ok. moss is not that kind of friend. hes not the kind to look out after another friend, especially when they are drinking. i guess he wanted to go to bed. well, i somehow followed that girl and the guy, to the cab to go to crazygirls. im not even sure why. strip clubs are cool, when you are with good friends. i didnt know them? plus i dont have money to tip, and when im drinking, well, at that point, i was too far gone to pay attention to strippers. if i drink, i like to chat and talk to people. i cant just...stand in a concert or watch strippers, you know? but i was pretty drunk. we were at the bar, and then we moved to seats to see the strippers. i couldnt find my purse. i left it at the bar, but the girl did not want to help me. she got annoyed with me and gave me a 20 and told me, "you need to leave". before she was kind of flirting with me, i dont really know? i think we both were, but then i just got too annoying to them and she said i had to go. i couldnt find my purse! with my phone, with my license, with my credit card!?? i mean, i finally left and took a cab but i was pretty upset. not only was i drunk, i did not have my purse. i got back to hard rock, visibly upset, crying. i got to the room. moss was in the bed. i was very upset and crying, telling moss i lost my purse. he just screeched and i cant stand that. i hit him even when im sober. hes just a very hittable person. like when i arrived at the airport, he was not clear as to where he was. i followed his directions, i went to the parking garage, like he said. you see, baggage is FIRST FLOOR. where you pick people up is SECOND FLOOR. he knew i went out of baggage door, yet he didnt tell me to go upstairs. instead, he screeched at me the whole time. i cant stand that shit! so, when he was screeching at me when i got back to the room, i was upset, drunk, etc. i guess i hit him, and he called security on me. the guard recognized me from the casino. im sure its from when i got back from the strip club, crying. i even ran into mike whatever his name is. he saw i was upset. i forget his name. mike lipman. but you see, that whole trip really just left a bad taste in my mouth, why go on a trip with someone who you really....yeah. you know, moss didnt look out for me. i mean, i was not intending to drink, thats my fault. still, i do not enjoy going on trips with moss. i really dont.

so i keep telling moss, just let me be. leave me alone. back off etc. im being rude but he just does not get it or realize. i cant do this anymore! i cant! its just pointless! i mean, what is the point really? i enjoy doing fun things, but im over it.

and mike. i am trying to push him away. i love him, but...its not going anywhere. more about that later tho.

i am just lonely. i dont want to work on wknds anymore. its lonely. tomorrow is punk rock flea market. mike is going and hes upset with me because im always working on wknds. im upset too, but i plan on switching my schedule after a few months...

sigh...

idk anymore.