ALLO!

im at the airport, i feel sick tho. it has been cold and windy and i have been walking in a thin coat five minutes to get here....i think im getting sick from that...sneezing and that annoying feeling. i was just thinking, well, ok so ellie was lost today, they couldnt find her? she was by the docking out back, by the garbages? then she forgot that she asked jim already for pennies? she told us she got into a car accident yesterday, she drove off the road into a sign, i hope shes ok?? she is old but she is always bright and on spot....hmm....oh so i was thinking, how boring my life is. i need excitement! mike doesnt realize, but i actually do like excitement, travelling, or i dont know, doing thngs. i cant just, you know, live to wake up and call places. whatever! i was going to say, my dream of moving to california (or was it my dream?? or was it someone elses? HA!!!) i dont even know!?? but LA, you know, hollywood per se, ok so to the blonde farmgirls of illinois, who grow up all blonde and farmy, dreaming of a new life, a new attitude, dreaming of moving to EL LAY!! making it BIG! becoming a model, a MOVIE STAR!!! right? a playboy playmate!!! LA/HOLLYWOOD is all about dreams!! movie magic! sigh...then, once they get there, what magic? the magic by cheesy sleazy liars? they want to believe a dream so bad that they sleep with some slimy sleazy type? (im not relating to me LOL! plus why do these hollywood hopefuls feel the need to sleep with someone in hopes of getting a job or star in some movie or whatever? BUT IT HAPPENS!!! oh im sure it does casting couch anyone??? LOL!!!) im being weird!...

what is the point of this rant? oh i was going to say, LA got mossified tho! oh, i did move out there, the first time, to beverly hills, i was following a dream but i was also brainwashed and manipulated. even after i was actually sexually assaulted, i was brainwashed into thinking it didnt really happen, oh boy. and then, it turns around to where you seem to want to please and listen, i dont get it? its like, it was like some sort of game i thought it was a real-life scripted reality show or something???? i dont know? i think these sociopathic liars know how to find someone who is easy prey to use to their advantage, im talking about anand jon, but dont dispense that those types are not sitting in jail. oh yeah, the entertainment industry is full of them. its just sick. and pedophiles too, just look at all the cases, and corey feldman just came out about that...

back to it being mossified tho, gross i smell some sort of old mens aftershave and it makes me of being molested....ill its disgusting! i hate that smell! old mans aftershave!?? im not saying i was molested tho....ILL

what am i talking about now?? hmm.......yeah now LA is just mossified! oh i was saying first time, its because anand jon ruined the experience for me. you think, magic, hollywood sign etc! you know, movies! thrilling! but with him it was just like, we were slaves, nervous all the time. i never even talked hardly, it was very weird. so that was the first time,

and by mossified i mean, (i want to post pictures of his apartment, but he will find out and im not sure if he will get mad about it so im going to just pass on that, i have to keep in mind too that these blogs arent just my own personal diary or whatever, but that people are actually reading this, and you know, you never know who is reading this shit anyways...) but yeah, his cluttered apartment, his eats, you know, his moss vehicle, his facts and info, his post office adventures, his atm deposificiations, his maliprops, his ron jeremy-isms...its all MOSSIFIED TO ME NOW hollywood is! plus its a ruddy street. i am going to make manhatten street night sort of collages, with newspaper, rubber glue, lots of yellow to signify the streetlights, and the rest of the city, also hollywood, which is also a dirty, grimy sort of feel, but with GLATTER and shit! and feathers and tye-die! yes tie dye! wait that aint hollywood thats burning man! whatever burning man is? the wicker man??? hollywood is more of black stilletos, little short tight dresses, bottle service, wannabees! THAT is hollywood! everyone striving for some sort of style and recognition except blending together and if you are recognized for being there all the time, (not for accomplishments) you just look like a wasted weasel wannabe!!!

i feel amicably nervous right now, nervousness sustained me??ugh whatever i forget!???!