Tuesday

so basically, i was called into work...wow...yeah tea lady absolutely ruined my font size and what not!!! anyways, i worked saturday night but afterwards i came home, (and shannan was going to come over, her and ryan)...so anyways...when i got home kimmy scott and doug were there mike made falafels...and we hung out i went to pick up shannan ryan but as soon as we got back mike was like, "we have to go now" cuz we all went to pearly bakers to see todd the tattoo artists band play, (they were good sounded like sublime ryan and shannan liked it) we had a good time, well, until mike pointed and yelled at me in FRONT of everyone...it was embarrassing so i just shut down ok he said to me that doug was trying to hit on the waitress but the fact that mike noticed that yeah it irritated me because it was a slouchy shouldered waitress with a beak nose...but since she was wearing a LBD (little black dress as cosmo magazine calls it)..yeah...she did not have broad shoulders and i think slouchy small christina aguilera shoulders are NOT attractive...(to see what i am talking about here is a link to christina aguilera small rounded no shoulders...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM&ob=av2e i do not feel like watching that video for a screen shot tho! but he said that to me so i made a comment i just said, "do you have a better chance?" and it escalated to him yelling at me telling me he doesnt want me to get an attitude, (seems he already had it in his head we were gonna fight...we can NEVER have a good time, never have people over to chill...nope in fact, kimmy teases mike because he always tells me not to become 'crazyhorse'....) and shannan and kimmy both noticed it was just embarrassing but i didnt yell back or anything, i didnt cry, i just stood there trying to keep quiet as to not draw anymore attention my way, especially from the waitress who would probably get a real hoot out of it. why does it always seem like these waitresses get a real hoot out of it? i mean, yeah a HOOT! oh i wore my hooters outfit for mike the other week and he seemed to like it so maybe he has a thing for waitresses? that is why i would wear my hooters outfit so i can get a real hoot out of me becoming jealous and insecure and crazy horse! way TMI....hmm.....i had fun tho, with ryan and shannan. it is fun to go out listen to music and have conversation and chill thats all! but then we came home mike made them uncomfortable so they took a cab home, but i stayed up...i had headphones and listening to music but mike came out to yell at me because it was late and he said he held me down covering my mouth to shut me up!!?? because i was crying BECAUSE he was yelling at me right??? if i want to stay up listening to music than let me i wasnt being loud! i had the headphones on! i woke up and he tells me i cant drink anymore. i dont want to drink like an alchoholic wants too, but i did have fun at pearly bakers, and i miss when mike and i used to go out and enjoy each others company, but we live together, he takes me for granite, (scuse me, granted).....he is always yelling at me and telling me what to do, and he is constantly provoking me by saying 'hello' yowza and lisa all the time its not cute it is really annoying. i wish mike and i were cool because i do love him. no i dont want anyone else ok? I love mike i am used to him.....but at the same time i dont like being told what to do....i like to enjoy myself yes i do like to go out and have a good time, just like everyone else who goes out to da bar on da weekends....for real you know? i can be cool i can maintain myself. no im not just someone to go and hang around to get a glimpse of me and my stupid thoughts i share on poison blog and smirk at FUCK you! i wont want nothing to do with you anyways! i need to become someone i am proud of, someone who i like! i need to re-establish myself and become someone that im am happy to be!???