i am exhausted. so tomorrow, i should be 100 days sober, but i am very upset....extremely upset. angry! ok here is the thing...i will start off about that 'date' which was not really a date. ok? so, i feel bad for my parents. and myself. i mean, they want to see meet a nice guy, get married, have kids. so do i. so for a while, i was kind of lost in a daydream, a fantasy about meeting someone and getting married. so i was chatting with that guy, the one who is a pilot, and he has a motorcycle, he likes good food, cooks good, is attractive. so every day at work i was getting myself excited over meeting him, i suppose. then he started texting me, and seemed kind of pushy and persistant, which i absolutely hate. he wanted to get together, but i just got that ankle bracelet taken off this past tuesday. i am happy to just...be. but he seemed impatient about meeting me. so i suggested meeting him at riverside. he said that is not his style place, i dont know, it was a place close to me i dont have to walk. rather than suggesting picking me up, he was like thats ok. he also didnt seem to understand when i kept saying, weeknights are NOT a good night for me, since i work so early. it was like he was choosing to ignore the point i was trying to make that i was exhausted! why would i want to do anything when i am tired from work and i have to wake up early i also ate dinner, and i did not want to drink!?? but for some reason i thought to myself, just meet him and get it over with. even tho it really turned me off that he did not respect that i was saying thursday wasnt good for me. i was really annoyed at this guy i dont know. so i met him at the bar there, and he just...he is too serious. i like a joky guy with a healthy sense of humor. i do not like pushy or persistant. i like someone who actually genuinely likes my stories or the way i act. i dont like when i say something and they do not get it. if we dont click, that is a big no no for me!
so i had a glass of white wine, at first i ordered water...but he insisted i get a drink and i did not really know where the convo was going. i have a feeling its not going anywhere. we were talking about travelling. he flies out of newark, one of those big planes. i was talking about india and i saw INDIA on the video game behind him. so i laughed and pointed it out and he didnt seem to understand the synchronicity i was pointing out (earlier, when i was getting my perm, i was reading a magazine that was talking about carly rae jepsons new video with tom hanks, and when i read carly, the stylists said 'carly' another girl who works there
i mean, he seems like a nice guy and all, but...i just...wasnt feeling it, as i said. i didnt feel a connection with him...maybe i should steal his pic from POF and post it here!?? ha
idk tho...he drives a nice car, has a motorcycle etc...oh after we went to the lebanese place and i had some baba ghanoush. that was good. after that he wanted to stop by his place, 'why!?' you know? why is the reason for that? i was super tired and did not want to drink. i still feel upset about that wine. he went there anyways, even tho i didnt say i wanted to go? nice house, old fashioned. i had another glass of wine just because i was there, and then he started telling me i have pretty hair and touched my hair and i said i had to use the bathroom and i got up and when i came out i said i had to get going. maybe he felt awkward after that but he kind of seemed awkward and unsure the whole time.
idk tho....i went home but i feel so bad about drinking. i only had that. oh and a japanese beer at the lebanese place. i didnt feel anything tho, i felt even more tired.
so thats that
scientology
leah remini...they issued a statement. ahh im too tired to finish my thoughts on this . later i will.
i dont know tho, that guy seemed nice but he also seemed kind of clueless or just...a jerk for making me go out on a night not good for me. it just...something is off you know? and maybe he was expecting something!?? idk...im very picky. like, it is so hard for me to feel connected to someone. i am more comfortable around mike even tho he is a dick to me. i felt guilty for eating at the lebanese place bcuz i went there with mike.
and as worldy as this guy is, he travels, he seemed to of lost his grounded...ness
it is good to travel and enjoy good food, but i also like a country boy who can grill up on da grill, go fishing, you know...country stuff. and sense of humor is very important!
anyways............................i just want to meet someone to do things with, laugh..all of that.
im tired. TIRED oh and we all got layed off again so...i filed for unemployment
He should have listened to you when you said you have to get up early so weeknights aren't really good for you to go out. How hard is that? I get the same thing when people still want/expect me to do something middle of the day when I worked two or three nights in a row before that. It's like me asking someone who has a regular schedule to do something starting at 1am. They don't get it. Or don't want to get it.
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