Mike

I still need to blog about the Canada trip, but...I will. I just have no time. I am so done with Walmart tho. The hours are just not my doing. I do not like it, I will much prefer DAYTIME m-f. I walked today at Walters park with my parents, tonight. Dusktime. I just...I miss running. I miss working out and being healthy. I miss life. This summer has not felt magical for me. It used to be fun and magical, I guess. I never had problems getting into a summer fling/relationship. Cept all well into my 30s. Throughout my 30s, I have only really been with Mike. I have not dated anyone else or met anyone else. I messed around with that TSA guy for a bit...but other than that, nope. I mean..yeah. Mike tho, I have been on the verge of having a kid with him, but...I CANT. Just his attitude. He lusts after all these stupid actresses or whoever. Who does that? Honestly, I have never been with a guy who made such a big deal over  it. We watch a movie and he always makes comments, like, WOW God damn or whatever. Last night we watched Nerve on amazon prime, and he was just catcalling that girl, maybe trans even, that actress, Emma Roberts? Or something...it just gets old. Not to sound conceited, but I am way better looking than Mike, so he should treat me with respect and make me feel attractive, but he has NEVER did that to me. He has NEVER made me feel attractive. He doesn't compliment me or even look turned on by me ever. Thats not hot. I like to know that the guy I am with think Im sexy. I know Mike does, of course, but he doesnt want me to know. He wants to make me feel insecure. Do I want to be with that for the rest of my life?

My arms hurt tho. Fuck walmart. the hours are fucking stupid. Oh and mike will start arguments with me in public, or he started shouting all loud because i was trying to show him that most of hollywood is not what they say they are. cameron diaz, MAN! Look at her body. its not a womans body!

instead of worrying about scarlett johansson or any of them, why not try to make me feel good? you know? why not try to make me feel special. sorry to of burst his fantasy, but for real.

i want to meet someone who makes me feel awesome. and someone who i am thoroughly attracted too. someone who can communicate, who makes me laugh. someone i feel comfortable with. i have to admit, im not really attracted to super hot good looking guys. i just do not feel comfortable around super hot guys, i just..idk

my shoulder fucking hurts. its the way i sleep on it. im about to take a codeine. i just took my 800 mg iboprofen. did not work.