chillin

hi...so...sigh..i smoked some medical marijuana and had some codeine whatever....i feel alright right now. i am going to avoid drinking alcohol tho...i just am not in a good place...well, i will explain later...just now i am going to type a bit. i just want to veg out and watch garbage tv, like the beverly hillbillies, well now i am watching the anna nicole smith legacy. there is something about stripping that seems kind of appealing to me. you know, i always thought about stripping. not me per se, just seems interesting. i should write a story about it but i dont know too much about the stripper lifestyle lol. just the one time i did go go dancing with my friends we go to wear cute little outfits and get some money from guys i made maybe 75 or 100.00 i dont remember lol! it was so nice out and i was feeling depressed, i still am. i am feeling depressed, lost, alone...my baby is gone. its just me now...just my life. no more little life inside of me, the little life was supposed to be safe in my body, growing. i will write about that later, right now i am just...daydreaming or fantasizing...idk, getting lost in thought i suppose...

oh so jimmy was telling me about how he fell, off the second bridge. apparently, he was walking across the river, he said he was getting more food at his house in martins creek, but that story seems kind of strange to me. he said he was walking on the opposite side of the bridge, and one of the wooden planks broke and he fell. he then woke up a minute or so later, confused and wet, glasses lost and his flashlight and beanie and other stuff he had on him. a drunkard was passing, who had called 911 for him. he was too drunk to help him, but that was good because he has a bruised spine of something. he said he was waiting there for 3 hours before they got him then they air lifted him to st lukes in bethlehem. he had a bunch of broken bones and bruised spine. he was telling me some things about um...well money but he said not to say anything......so okie! but he fell..off a bridge, now his back hurts.

he bought some food at shop rite, corn on the cob, wings etc...and we sat out back of his house, which is nice. there is a koi pond, and a table and a grill, gardenyard i want.hot tub, used to have a pool, but its a cool chill spot back yard. now thats the kind of backyard i want. i want a nice house, a good man, and some kiddies. you know, idk and i just....i want to start living!?!?

i love hearing the crickents chirp and citronella candles , (because bugs bite me). i want my own place. ahh idk....:/

i didnt go to my alcohol class tonight. they understood. i need to pay them tomorrow tho. i will write about what happened to me in a bit...

my parents are on their way home.

i had an interview at toys r us. not the best job, but its something i suppose.

i miss and loved my baby, but what can i do? its so hard dealing with.

im gonna write about it in a bit tho. right now im trying to just enjoy my high i guess. not that i smoke a bunch, but i needed it tonight. i could of bought some beer but like i said, i want to avoid drinking for a while.

 im just pretty upset. my parents are on their way home ughh i like sitting and watching tv by myself in the living room. i think they are going to canada soon. i dont mind just having some weed and smoking, chilling out...shrug...

anyways....