class

ming ming has fleas, so my dad keeps dousing him with chemicals, not even rinsing him out. ming ming wont let us rinse him, or bathe him. he will scratch us. but he needs a bath. my dad is continuosly spraying him with chemicals, flea killing products, rubbing alchohol...etc...shampoo that isnt rinsed out. all of this is accumulating. who wants to have all this crap on them and not ever get it rinsed out? they are chemicals. it may kill the fleas, but ming ming still feels miserable. he needs his claws trimmed. EDIT hours later:

ming ming has a vet appt tomorrow morning. alright sooooooooo....lets talk about class tonight. well we stopped by mikes to see marble and pick up the cat carrier for ming ming tomorrow, then we had time to spare we went to walmart and then we stopped by this park that has a merry go round to kill some time. my parents drove me because i dont have much money for gas etc..and they don't mind. so my dad said, 'yeah lor go on the merry go round its only a dollar'. idk whatever sure..so i went on it. it reminded me of bushkill park (oh yeah i have to write about my weird dream i had), but anyways, the kid had to put on a cd of carnvial music, and my dad started talking about 'carnival of fools' i thought carnival of horrors..

so i went to class. someone said something about poisoning again....i saw that the counselor had some sort of shake too...like a chocolate shake. so, we didnt really talk about anything......the one guy told a story of his crackhead brother (this isn't AA, so i can blog these stories)...and then...another therapy session for the other Lori....i heard her story 3 times already!?! its just very annoying i think, and not fair to the rest of us, but i seem to be the only one with a problem with it because everyone gives her nods of encouragement and good words, "your so strong" this and that. fine! she has problems. we want her to get better. she started talking about xanax and i kind of wanted to say something out loud, just bcuz ENOUGH!!! see, jimmy fell of a 35 foot ledge, bruised and broke bones, and he spent a week in the hospital. he loves going to the hospital, but how the hell did he fall off? he is all bruised up on his instagram tho. i just wanted to ask, (anything to stop from listening in on someone elses therapy session!!!) oh am i mean? no! i offer advice and encouragement too, but come on! can we learn something in these classes!??! apparently the guy tomorrow is more from the books...but save that for tomorrow. i said, do ppl hurt themselves to get medication and prescriptions? because now im sure jimmy has all kinds of pain meds, (he would always ask me for pain meds)...i actually kind of wonder if he did it on purpose, also a sort of weird suicidal tendency he has too. he says he may have cancer too? its like he WANTS something to be wrong with him!???! he must be addicted to pain meds...i mean, i haven't actually talked to him, just saw him on fb here and there...

somehow the counselor was able to suggest to Lori, about walking and eating healthy. she says she does this shake called 'shakeology'. she says its from beachbody, and she went on to say p90x and all that, but at that moment i felt i needed to interject by saying, 'i used to do that, slim in 6.' they push shakeology they are all the same company. i then said, last year i was working out 5-6 days a week, waking up early, going to work (i would focus more on how it was like living with mike but everyone else is quick to talk about themselves) all i got to say was how i used to work out, etc and this and that, how i am now depressed because my life is pointless, all that i saved up is gone now, i feel stuck, i gained back 25 lbs, (i weigh 150 again)...my life is stupid now. brian the CO was like, think of this as a new start, Lori said, 'think of this as a new chapter, you can start writing about it this chapter." how do you know i write?

the counselor told me i can get back into running again, and encouraged me to slowly get back into working out, and lori offered walking with me 15 minutes before class as well with me.

brian asked if anyone still feels like drinking. i said we talk about it so much sometimes yeah you think about drinking afterwards he started talking about cocaine, tbh i think he was using...he went to the bathroom 3x, (i feel like a narc now) or is THIS set up!?? his personality was differnent, his face was red, he said he had a drug test earlier (no one put any of this together) if you have a drug test, chances are you have a few weeks to a month until your next drug test...i dont know personally but that is how it is...i dont do drugs nor do i want too..i just had a feeling. i was going to ask him, you had a drug test earlier?

but anyways.....no one seemed to think anything strange, as lori felt it necessary to further embellish by answering his question, however SHE is NOT a drinker. she freely says she wants and needs the social aspect of going out, 'nightlife and socializing' well, I AM a drinker and yeah, sometimes i think about drinking during class, because you know? we are all talking about it. i never will tho. i dont like feeling headachy and unfocused and exposed, and i would feel that way if i drank and talked my head off, (the night when i am drinking) next day i feel exposed (especially if i go on and on about how THEY listen to us) and then go and act normal? i mean, here i am writing all this....who freaking knows?

so she told brian to re-tell the story of oscar delaRENTA (since this was fashion week) so duh! delarenta!

i started thinking, why did she bring in a specific drink, like shakeology? like it was a trigger for me so that i can freely speak about how i used to work out?

very odd. and lori was talking about how she was in an abusive relationship she also mentiond the younger guy who lives with her now and how he threatens to kill himself if she kicks him out. mike has mentioned killing himself LOTS of time!

we always end on a good night, but i was kind of upset about it feeling like lori's therapy session. the counselor said, 'even if you didn't get to speak about your stories, maybe you learned something from someone elses' and lori would always go, 'lori maybe you can relate'...

TERMITE POISON!!! (childrens hospital! HA! he said termite poison, just trying to make it like the rest of us) wow!??!


ok so...yeah, so...im trying to make it, like the rest of us...

see, the other Lori is an open book, she freely talks about herself. me on the other hand, i am QUIET, so while i don't freely TALK about myself, i WRITE about myself...so its like, idk

my dad even said, 'maybe she is a plant' maybe she is there to tell her story, so that we can relate, and a few things she has said, i have related too...

maybe they are all plants!??

anyways, i will write about my dreams later...dont feel like it now


actually, um..dream was i wanted to know answers, so i went on a ride...(oh we ended up watching carnival of souls when we got home. bagels and movie)

ugh just being near ming ming, i taste chemicals. imagine how poor ming ming must feel? on peoples court earlier, harvey levin said, Ming ming ming! SYNCH!

um....i thought i was gonna get answers, finally, so i was on a ride. then smoke bomb and i felt something grab me. i got lifted into the air which was lavender purple and i felt myself rising but whatever was carrying me dropped me and i was falling falling falling

TERMITE POISON FLEA POISON

another dream we we on an elevator to heaven mom hugged something someone it was a clear gel like liquid and it was surrounding us too (new bodies?) when we got off elevator there was a globe full of candies..(to make us feel more comfortable?) well we got in line to sit in these pods. like it was a ride or something. when the ppl in front of us got in line, it was for a pod, and it would close (seemed like it was an electric chair mixed with a computer voice easing us into the afterlife. little volts of electricity was seen outside the pods. i felt scared. i woke up.


ok thats all idk!????

who knows......sigh :/

yeah they are encouraging. this could be a new chapter, but really, it will be a new blog..a new blog post!!

my life isnt an open book, its just a bunch of stupid blog posts!! when i die, whos gonna go through all my blogs!?? not to mention the big chunk that mike deleted. its too much trouble to find, not to mention all my myspace blogs that who knows where they are now!???!


seems too much a nuisance to find!??!

beezid girl is like this college girl who got a good gig as the beezid girl. WHOA WHOA WHOA STOP THE CLOCK!

edit so american dad its the illuminutty episode...so steve notices this symbol, but everyone he talks to has the pyramid peanut tattoo meaning they are involved. well remember how i was thinking the other lori is a plant? (two Lori's..represents different aspects of me??)

anyways, a car almost runs into steve, made to look like he was trying to kill steve. when steve moves he asks, are you trying to kill me, to which the driver replies, 'dont worry, im just a DRUNK DRIVER' ....like lori, who is on her 2nd dui, and then later that driver crashes into another car and he said, 'dont worry, im still a DRUNK DRIVER'