MEH

Ok, so, I go from thinking I am going to be a mother, and raise my child, to not. It is tough. It is very hard to deal with. I wanted to keep the little baby safe, but for some reason it didn't hold on. This was my baby!! My child! I just had a miscarriage. So, with that said, I do not need my friend telling me they wrote me an email. No! I do not want to read an email on how long you were crying because you think it is such a mistake for me to raise a child! I do not need to be told what to do with MY BODY! for someone who is so liberal, then he should RESPECT womens rights and some women want to keep their baby and raise them. he sent me links to some article about MARRIED people who make a decent shared income, and even them struggle with selfish depression on how hard it is for them and how they wish they didnt have kids. are you kidding me!?? i am not a statistic! i am not going to base anything off of something i read in a magazine. so they tell you, your taxes are paying for welfare!?? oh knock it off!!

i know alot of mothers who are fine and happy raising their kids and they are able to do it! i would of been a great mom, i would of done it! because i would have no other choice. shannan doesnt have alot of money but she is raising two kids and with another one on the way. i think well, you know...

yes i hope i can get married. yeah! i do want to get married. i want to have children.

i just asked him to stop it with the links, stop it with the advice i never asked for. how dare he make me feel that way!?? i am so sad that i lost my baby, but i was willing and planning on raising my baby and being nothing but a great mother as i could be.

and what does he want? me to go out there? what do i do when i am out there? i wander around the streets of hollywood, feeling completely lost and alone...i mean, im over the bar scene, really. its not fun to go to bars, only to be mocked and street theatered by comedy troupes and the like. i mean, its just a completely satanic feeling...idk...

going out to hipster bars....spending money on drinks, not really meeting anyone of interest....ehhh

yeah its cool and fun to go to red carpet parties, take pics with the celebs, but what comes out of it? no one is going to out right come out and tell me, "yes! we watch you! we know you are poison! join us JOIN US!!" all that is gonna happen is more and more subliminal hidden msgs, but i will never know, i will never find out the truth! i will continue to feel like an awkward poor girl. and do i want to sell my soul, like kai did? he went on to write cupcake girl. AW HAIL NAW!!!

I AINT GUN SAIL MY SAUL SOUL..SAYUL


SOIL BRIM AND TOIL (OOPS SOUND LIKE A WITCHES CHANT)

naw thanks tho, really!!????! HOW ODD ROBOT CHICKEN JUST CAME ON ITS DARK VADER HE JUST SAID WED BE HONORED IF YOU CAN JOIN US!!

Ha didnt i just say!! well robot chicken adult swim people, please!!! just answer my questions! i mean, come on!??! 

hmm........it just said wed be honored if you can join us...

i was gonna say how eddy and mindy were 

at the vmas taking pics with miley cyrus and all, but you know, so what? it looks kind of ridiculous after a while. its like, how many famous ppl and events you are gonna get into but what does it even matter? are you anyone important? see, i could go to parties this and that take pics with celebs but what does it even matter. no one is gonna just be like, 'JOIN US! JOIN US! WE WILL TELL YOU THE SECRETS'


EDIT just saw this on adult swim a bump...license plates which say CIA-H8ER N1BLVSME theyputa chip in my head

and something else...WEKNOWEVERYTHING

WHAAA OK WELL......I AINT A CIA HATER BUT UM..DONT BE PUTTIN NO CHIPS IN MY HEAD!

so mike and i went to dorney park today. we got there early...it was fun day, but draining. went on a bunch of rides. im sleepy now

but yeah, i mean, eddy and mindy go to all these events (emmys tomorrow) but so what!??!


i could be out there, posting all over facebook pics of me and celebs sometimes it feels like im in a celebrity dorney park, an amusement parkourage where i can run from one famous person to the next!! asking for a pic!!! then my audacity will grow, my courage, nah jk what else can you ask for other than a picture? sex!??! HAHA JK

i dont know ewwwwwwwwwwww 

anyways....