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so, i got direct deposit pay and i was just thrilled to have some money that i worked for in my bank account! (not just money my parents helped me out with), i decided to reward myself. i felt like getting some tattoos so i msgd todd on facebook and he said he is free tonight. he has been doing all my tats recently cept the first two i had. anyways, i dont know....the thing is, he is a good artist, but he makes them too big, he doesnt size them down. i want smaller tattoos...um...and i dont want all black outlines. i had a smattering of candy tattoos around the weird nj one...candy corn, valentines day hearts, candy pumpkin, what else, a swedish fish outline in red...(cool looking)...but yeah...i didnt really relax on my day off..and it ended up costing more than i thought!??? oh well, now my arm is starting to look like a sleeve.

oh yeah also, it was illuminati night. apparently the one guy who is the owner, eli, is a freemason. (who isnt tho? ppl want to feel a part of something) so tonight there was a mason and compass and eye ball tattoo and his girlfriend was getting tattooed with monarch butterflies. she looked familiar like this girl i knew as kids and i am fb friends with her now so i asked her name. he answered a different name tho!?? but yeah it was freemason/illuminati night i guess. they all have an idea about the ebola thing, but see, i feel its a false flag, designed to scare us. everyone has their thoughts on it tho. 

mickey donatelli called me about working on a show called 'blue bloods'. he said we need to schedule a photoshoot soon and they can get me work. i do miss modeling! i see this girl who posts modeling pics every so often, she reminds me of onemodelplace back in the day. i would save her pics and post them but i dont feel right doing so...her hair is always the same tho!?? like a short, layered cut and now highlights. that look was fine circa 2004 or so......but its like, 2014 now!?? change up your look! i think she is like, 38 years old (her fb says that!??) she still looks 24 tho...i feel like taking her pics but i wont do that LOL

i have tattoos on my arm but if i can get into acting somehow, lol idk!?? i would buy my own tattoo coverup makeup for it. well enough about me...oh i was going to blog bout the spider

la dee da, then about kim...sigh....

so the other night at work, well i first got there, around 5pm, i spotted the  most shutter gross spider UGHHHH OH MY GOSH it was one of those fat scary spiders with the scary AHHH its just i hate those!!! i told them, 'theres a spider!' and no one really did anything. the one guy was like, 'hey whats up' so i was like, theres a spider in the corner so he looked and he said 'oh yeah its smushed now  i was like 'um unless it smushed itself? i just saw it moving' he just walked away. why would i see a smushed spider or even notice it? 

later i told ashley about it. i forgot all about it and i was about to leave. then ashley was like, 'someone get that spider off her back' i thought she was kidding. i was like, 'your kidding right?' and i saw her eyes were all big and she nodded. i started screaming!! it was awful!!! so the manager like flicked it off and stepped on it. ashley said it looked poisonous too. what. the . fuck!?? i was the only one concerned about it why did it have to end up on me!?? 

man!! ya know!??

ok so kim.........she is so insecure. she constantly posts selfies! she always seems to need constant compliments and reassurance. she even admitted it she likes the compliments and attention. she even posted a gym selfie! i mean, to be honest, posting selfies all the time is called fishing! fishing for compliments! i mean, everyone feeds her ego, 'you look great!" 'hot mama', 'ooh sexy' you know, cheesy guys with cheesy lines, and girls who dont feel threatened, 'you go girl' (still upset at how lisa told me i post so many selfies for attention um NO!! not even! i used to do modeling and i had fun doing it! i want to do more shoots! i actually have some modeling shoots but i am always at white castle.)

we are part of a secret group for swingers and what not, sexy pics (she added me to that group lol) i dont ever post there i just see the pics and posts ppl do.. so i would constantly see her posting sexy pics to her new guy she would always call 'daddy' equivalent to the oh gawd not again! annoying couple scenario. in fact, it came off as sort of needy and clingy ya know??? 

she told me that her new guy dumped her and i asked why she didnt know? i kind of think i know why tho!? shes too insecure and uses facebook and her secret group as a way to get a constant stream of compliments and attention (even tho im sure ppl get annoyed at seeing anyone constantly post selfies!!) she met him on some group, probably acted sexy with him (i mean, she does have a collection of dick pics) so he was thinking, 'ooh easy lay' so of course its all new and he visits her....then she gets annoying...(she kept texting me and it never ends!! its a constant stream of fb msgs) why am i blogging about all this!??

i dont know!?? i tried to suggest it to her like, maybe this and that oh who cares!?????????

my thyroid feels all weird. why did i get these tattoos now? i get all these emails about being a brand ambassador 20.00 an hour but these jobs are so far away!! newark, paramus, NYC...i mean, i would do it but my car sucks! its pt hours, like 3-10pm passing out flyers and brochures. i would do it tho! also photoshoots are like, 400.00 a shoot. im stuck at white castle now.

i would like to get back into modeling and some promo work, brand ambassador and tv show stuff, i mean, donatelli modeling wants to be my agency..i just need to do a shoot but i dont have business clothes, casual clothes, scrubs, you know, stuff that shows a vast array of looks! i would need to invest in all of this! plus im tattooed!? i need to get a haircut too. i just hate white castle tho. im too good for that. jk i dont know!?? its a job ya know? but it hurts my back, and we do not get 15 minute breaks.

i just want to be happy, and i want to get there, ya know!?? i want my own comfy cozy lil' place! i want my own style! i want to do modeling and photoshoots!

i want to write! i have so many creative endeavors i want to endeavor!! sigh!! i would so decorate my place up so freaking cool! and do my artwork!!!! and invite my parents to dinner! i want friends! a boyfriend!? or whatever i dont know.........i just want to feel like a person! thats all babby! a poison!