my boy!

i had a dream, where my son visited me. he was about 8 years old, maybe older...maybe even...12? idk...yeah i think 12. he said he wanted to see his mom, and he was hiding in a corner. when i went to see him, he was a very smart kid, and he spoke very elegantly. i met him and gave him a hug, and said i was going to take care of him. he had dark thick hair, wavy. very smart. he said he was looking forward to halloween. he wanted to go trick or treating. he even had a jack o lantern flashlight. he said, 'i live in sellertown.' then he said, 'can we take a DNA test?" i guess to see if i was his mom!? or just stuff kids say ha! then he gave me a hug like he was trying to protect me, then he said, 'make sure you drive safe! dont speed!"

it is so NICE OUT!!! its nice and warm and sunny!!! this is the perfect fall day!!! its beautiful outside!!  tomorrow is going to be nice too but i start work 7-3 am. geez! and it looks like brandon will be working there too. ughhhhh.........

i worked with him at walmart. i had him fired for throwing a stack of film packets at me. i seen him getting interviewed, complaining about his last boss, i guess who fired him. great!!

anyways, at least its something!?? for the time being. and its close!

i want a kid!!! im sick of it just being me. i deserve a child of my own. i dont care what moss says. he gives me statistics. this is my body. this is my life. not his! who is he, who does he even think he is to even try to advise me on what to do? by saying i want a child means i want a child! i don't have to explain myself to anybody. people manage to raise their kids all the time, rich or poor, single or married. some have come up with arrangements with the father.

again, no need to explain myself. DO NOT TELL ME HOW TO BE!

the rustling of leaves sound so nice outside!

i like working in the mornings. ahh at least i can have some extra money. yes, i would like to meet someone.

mike, he doesnt have respect for me. if he did, he wouldn't be like, 'let me run down the list'...saying things such as i have cheated on him and left him and ran off. well, i have NOT cheated on him! so i dont know where that is coming from! when? when did i cheat on him?

we aren't even together anymore!?? if he wants to be with me, he would be respectful. blah i feel like everything i say is going to be <copied and pasted by moss>

ugh i feel like moss hijacks my life! ha! whatever.........

its like, i cant blog without thinking that the watchful eye of moss is reading all of this!??

wtf moss!???!

anyways......i should take a nap. but i dont want tooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(tim and eric, tim especially, is always talking about sons...dads...my son but in a selfish kind of way) seriously tho, i did have that dream. i think it really was my son visiting me. the age was insignificant. anyways......

i'll be back with more blogs.........