i'm back. i seen los angeles visited my blog, so i feel the need to re-iterate. see, last night, moss said to me, 'be nice to me'. it always strikes a cord when he says this. he brought up katy perry playing at the superbowl this year. my opinion was this. other than the fact that i was trying to just watch the sport, yes, i am already looking forward to the superbowl, i want to make sure i dont work that day because i want to watch it with food and beer! ok see, a few times moss mentioned that he may get us tickets for the superbowl, (which will be at rutherford nj)....um...so last night he brought up katy perry. i dont care. thats silly. yes, i will watch, because its always interesting to see what is in store...plus i do enjoy watching the commercials! i told moss, 'no one really cares about katy perry' are you kidding me? grown men who are watching football for the game, who dont really pay much attention at the cheerleaders at that, sure they look good, but you never see them hooting over the cheerleaders!?? so what makes you think they are going to care about katy perry? i cant wait to watch to see what kind of ritual occurs hidden in plain site, however.

when i tell moss no one cares about her, (at least not the targetted audience who watches the NFL), he proceeds to tell me how many concerts katy perry and taylor swift sell. yes, that may be, but its mostly tweens and teens who go. i think he thought my reaction was 'mean and nasty' since i was expressing my opinions on the matter, because i think differently from him, i am 'rude and nasty'


so i waited. i then said, 'im just waiting for you to bring up going to the superbowl' (i wanted to move on from the subject aside from the sense i was trying to make from the connection of watching the eagles/giants game..as if watching the game somehow connected to katy perry doing the superbowl halftime show..??)

guess what he says..."If you are nice to me, then maybe i will bring you!"

um....so, the message here is, 'be nice to him. never have an opinion that is argumentative to what he is saying, or else you are being 'rude and nasty'. if you are just a nice little girl, then he may reward you! as if you are a dumb dog, being rewarded with milkbones, or you are just a flighty, airhead who can be bribed with terms of "VIP, concerts, superbowl games, etc" and that, to me, is actually in essence, 'rude and nasty' because that makes me feel cheap and disgusting. like i can be bought. 

so i told him, "i would rather watch from the comfort of home, where it will be warm, and i will have munchies, and beer! AND PLUS, i want to see the commercials! if i was actually at the superbowl, i wont be able to watch the commercials! and i'd be cold. i had fun at the first eagles game, but it was hot! 

when i mentioned moss and getting backstage, i brought up two examples. you see, hmm how can i put this? i dont get noticed. i mean, do i care? no i guess not.

but i am often overlooked. im just a normal girl, but i am a girl who everyone feels sorry for. i am the girl who gets noticed, but i am a joke. i am made to feel paranoid, worried, mocked. even if we get backstage somewhere, there will always be the girls who manage to get noticed. 

even when i am with other girls, they are always noticed. i am only noticed when i am the target of mockery.

i will never be someone who can use her sexuality, or lack thereof, to get attention. what am i saying? i just feel like crying, because i was looking at the warren tech departments.

why? why didnt my parents help me more?

why, my dad, as a teacher, didnt even help me with financial aid? if i had a kid, i would advise them to go to tech, and choose a wise trade, such as health science, or child development (daycare is very lucrative and well paying), even security. medical field is always in need, and if you can get a job as a security guard, they pay up to 25.00 or more an hour! to sit there and guard. you will get trained of course.

i will tell them you need a good record. never ever get a bad driving record. doesn't matter. it makes it all the harder! 

i want to cry now. oh man!!! brb...