posts on fb

Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so, i was writing something yesterday. i just wrote about how i never, posted about having a miscarriage before, on facebook. i did this time because right after i had one i was thinking, boy its taking a long time to get my period back. after the last one i was bleeding for quite some time...i never posted about it tho. i wrote about it here. my parents told some people too, but no one really said to me, 'im sorry' or gave me a hug or any of that. i told my mom i havent gotten my period yet, and this was after 2 month!?? so i told my mom and she asked if i am pregnant. i said, 'no' because i started to see red and figured i would get my period soon.  well we got a test and i taken it and i saw it was positve and i just laughed because i was actually happy! so for those two weeks that i knew i really started preparing myself that i was raising a little baby, that the baby was growing inside of me. i dont care what anyone says, (it was just a sac of cells blah), it doesnt matter..i was looking forward to drs visits, ultrasounds, everything a woman goes through during pregnancy. and yes i AM writing about it because i write about things. i am not afraid too be either. i am strong and i would like to be encouraging for others, supportive, and outspoken. it DOES help when people are supportive. why be quiet about things!? why worry so much about what we should say and think. i do have alot of family and friends on fb, and i dont see them posting all their business on it, yes i know, but dont be afraid to either. and i shouldnt have to feel worried about offending anyone or making anyone upset.

when i went to the ER for the second time, and i found out i had passed it, i cried alot. it was very sad news.

yesterday i was thinking to myself, 'i miss being pregnant'. the life choices gave me a pin with two little feet that says the exact shape of the feet at 10 weeks. (i would of been about 9 weeks now), so i posted the picture of the feet on facebook, along with me saying i miss being pregnant, and that i would of been 9 weeks, but it wasnt the right time. i posted it because that was on my mind.

well someone posted, 'that is an inaccurate picture of the feet, they dont even have feet, and posted links to how fetuses look and then a link to something about an elephant fetus idk

i was kind of upset about that i mean, it doesnt matter if the fetus was still a fetus i was missing being pregnant, then marta said, 'shut up lori'

she lost her babies due to in vitro complications. i got really upset because why should i be afraid to post things? anyways i msgd her and she said that fb shouldnt be about blasting your problems all over it, that is what family and best friends are for. i said, well, i say what is on my mind, and that is how i deal with things. i am not afraid to express myself. i am not like everyone else. i will say what is on my mind. i will not apologize. anyways, i said my intention was not to offend anyone, it was what was on my mind, plus i always want to encourage strength and support with other women. i said i should of shared with a facebook group for women who have had miscarriages or abortions and feel guilt and sadness about it rather than on facebook publicly. i deleted the whole thing.

i said, i do have my mom to talk too, but i have no friends. i spoke with shannan about it. i told marta that i had 3 miscarriages and not once did i post about it on facebook except for the last one. i am trying hard not to drink, or get drunk. i have had a few beers here and there, but not to the extent of blacking out. i hate hangovers and i havent had one in a long time. i do sober saturdays hashtag. i told marta i had 3 miscarriages and not once did lisa ever say im sorry or given me a hug or anything. actually, no one has really said i am sorry to me...some have. thats fine whatever.

i am not going to beat myself up over what i should and shouldnt post or think. im just sick of it. i will continue to post what is on my mind, i will continue to BLOG about what is on my mind!