i dont know what i am doing im very tired....when moss picked me up, after waiting a while, i told him, "moss, i cant afford to take trips! i am still confused what i am doing out here! im freaking broke, now im too embarrassed to even post on fb about being out here!??! who takes off, (and buys tickets when they should use the money for more important things) risks losing someone that they really care about..
if i were going to go on a trip, id go to new orleans! so i hear the hollywood bowl has a live simpsons thing, and conan and others are going to be there. i would love to go! i told moss about it he said thats not really his thing. well its MY thing! and we were all talking about it last night at the tattoo place...its like, well now i am stuck paying for this trip, so please moss, lets try to do things that i find enjoyable right??? and tickets are actually cheap...
and moss has to understand, i am now paying for me being here! forget the fact that i have no money, or that i even explained to him that i cannot be here, but here i am!? on his couch....with these weird pillows, couch square pillows, using his comforter because he returned the other one. and i may have lost mike now. and i would feel the same way if he just left like that. i understand too, why he would be upset with me. it feels so good when he is tender and loving and affectionate towards me. it feels so good (this is slowing down and i cant see what i am tryping for a few seconds its very distracting!
maybe if i make it larger it will work, but doesnt seem too!??!
it still freezes.....let me just finish this...typos are due to it freezin so it pauses and i keep typing even tho it pauses
so last year when i came out at least i was cute. i was 125 lbs!! ya know? i have since gained weight! im disgusting now, 151 lbs and my face looks like a wrinkled hot dog from the eagles game last sunday...(burnt)...im so gross!!!
and i just look so silly being out here! moss laughs so loud at things. i always get distracted when ppl (always guys), overly laugh at things on tv. i just watch in silence well i may laugh here and there but i get engulfed in more than just hee hawing it up same with tim and eric fans they are annoying and weird i think!?
its like, idk i cant type now...thanks to this freezing up. maybe tomorrow...i go to sleep now!
tim and eric fans oh nevermind its still freezing!!! i dont want to lose mike tho. i do love him. im out here but why!?? what is the reason!??! i not pursuing anything, nor do i have the funds or means to be out here! i do think moss tricked me into coming out here.
:( idk...i just feel on the verge of crying all the time, but i have felt this way for a while, meaning im not hapy or secure enough to enjoy myself. does anyone understand what i mean!??!
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