depression

i am going STIR CRAZY!!! last year, i just wanted to work and work and work and save up money!! now i have lost hope. i have no idea what is in store for me, i have no game plan, i am just living to sleep. i am so depressed.

i know this won't last long. i know because sub-theoretically, it cant. it just cannot. this...(looks around) is not feasibly meant to withstand and tolerate alongside myself this whole time!

why do i say this? because the schemantics behind it all just simply do not add up!

think of life this way. see how lost we have become as a gathering of minds, beings, souls, bodies, blood, hearts a beating, brains functioning, and synapses snapping. think about how much facebook, lit up screens, hi-def televisions, surround sounds, beats headphones (or edphones, hearplugs) we are zapped into hypnotics..forgetting about functioning as humans used too, although we adapt to our surroundings. imagine seeing a show such as american idol, on a measley small little black and white tv, i mean, it would feel like such a treat if say, we were stuck out in the cold, snowy chills of father winter, to encounter a box in which this tv were there....but only in those type of scenarios. if we were so used to the 62" flat screen hypnotics we are now all accustomed too now, we would be deemed so unimpressed with the small little black and white screen, even tho, regardless the screen is just a less gussied up shell showcasing the same program, the same guts...

it is essentially the same show being broadcasted, except for the hyped up technology. it just makes me think of celebrities. and how they are so gussied up. i mean, we can be watching a show, which, on a small little scree, it seems boring and plain, (or...it can feel like the best delight in the world #being stuck in a snowstorm to encounter entertainment)...but then, when the screen is so bright it hurts our eyes, when the volume is so surround we are consumed by it, and when we are within the confounds of the shell we created for ourselves, 70% more luxury than shelter was made

HOLD UP ERGGGHHH BEEZID

so i am watching american idol this one boy on here singing sam smith, i remember i was like, hanging out with this guy who used to play guitar and sing...i would hang out at his house during the lemonade lazy days of summer, and he had a nice house. J-lo is now dncing wow see? that kid even got jlos attention it was so dreamy!

it just makes us think of a time when a boy used to play guitar and sing to UGH my dad just started telling me i ought to find out if i can deduct all these fines on taxes, bringing me back to boring reality.

yeah a boy used to play guitar and sing to us in the mornings. (but he was so boring!! he looked like a guy from a band........ahh it just makes me think of a time in my life, like we tend to do.....)


 i am so cabin fever now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
imagine being on fucking HOUSE ARREST!!

I DO NEED A JOB! I CANNOT LIVE THIS WAY! i need to do something with my life. i have ideas i want to write plus i am sick of being in this house! i am sick of this!!!!?

i forgot my ideas. i cant think. i cant breathe! its too hot in here!