stuff!

so...i left msgs to my doctor (she says she wants me to get an ultrasound of my thyroid and make appt for with endochrinologist and more bloodwork on thursday)

i called an endochrinologist just waiting for them to call me back. need to get the ultrasound. probably on thursday. more bloodwork too damn! my poor veins :(

um....i also called up the places for my hospital bills, (for when i was bleeding and had my miscarriage :( speaking of which, i need to make appt with gynecologist too...) i gave them my medicaid policy #.

i also called up the court they said i do not have to make the full amount on my court date (jan 27th) i can make it up until the day my house arrest starts...(not sure when!??) i do know that on court date is when i give up my PA license...:( im gonna miss you, license.

i think i should sell that car tho. and shut off my insurance. *cries*


sigh!! what else!??! hmm.......sigh! so, i was thinking....

moss was telling me how it would be the  'icing of the cake' if i came out. then he proceeded to tell me how it is taking a lot out of his life........um...*WHEY PROTEIN dr ozz sez)

he said he is going out of his way and spending all this time making plans for me and this and that. um...what tho!???

i mean, i was like, 'what do you mean?' he says all the planning for me to come out, and how it will cost him over a grand. which is fine and fun and thanks, but im thinking, 'it will help even more, if you just GIVE me that grand!!" (which is frankly, the cost of my ASP)

he tried to give me a guilt trip, about how he is taking all this time out of his life by planning on hotel, food and round trip tickets. well first of all, the hotel and food is part of the future. oh he wanted me to call him. he thinks i am being difficult to him because i have not called him. does he think the world revolves around him?

i am busy, i mean.........i am but i am not. the holidays! that kept me busy! weekends! drs. work. yeah i have been busy! i called him last night tho.

i mean, here is the deal. he tells me that he is going out of his way planning. well he has a suite at the hard rock for a few days, in which brandon will be staying there in his suite for two days...hey why not right brandon!?? go on out there for the AVNs and stay at a nice suite! and hard rock has very nice suites! one would even say, sweet suites!

and it will be at the heart of the core...the heart and core of all the hardcore!! hardcore PORN that is! MUHAHAHAHA!!!! porn stars be like, "HAI IM A PORN STAR! LOOK MA IMMA PORN STAH!"

they will be lingering and trashing around the hard rock. oh hon, i would LOVE to be out there but i have been thinking! now is not the time, sadly. for one, i am so freaking PARANOID, that i will not even be able to enjoy myself. my health is being taken care of, finally. i have drs to see and what not, plus i am getting monitored weekly for my bloodwork. i am BROKE ok!??! i mean, who goes on a trip BROKE AS  JOKE and able to actually, really enjoy themselves!??

young druggie hippie gypsys!??! fine but....i dont play that game! it will essentially end up COSTING me if i go out now....on this end of the game.


um........so yeah i need to get an HMO or something........i did submit the rest of the paperwork.

druggie hippie gypsys..........so.........while some girls can catch a midnight train going anywhere, i am not in the means too. i thought about it a lot, this morning. i thought to myself, 'is it really in my best interest if i head out to las vegas now, at this sullen time in my life?"

see, moss was guilt tripping me...which i understand, yes, i express interest in heading out there...of course! why wouldn't i!? i bored as a box of rocks out here. i am depressed. i tend to think, 'why the fuck not!? i mean, who would not jump at the opportunity to go out to LA and Las Vegas on an all expense payed trip!??! i'd be a fool not too! plus the stars, the celebrities...OOOH THE CELEBS! (im being dumb! just joking!) besides, i am on schedule day of golden globes now, also...i didnt think it would be right of me...uh yah!????????? im not going to walk around trying to get into a party, wearing a forever 21 dress with unkempt hair and wasted as a drunken skunk.......lol!! i should be more coy and ninja next time i attempt at unkempt coy ninja skills.

plus i should look elegant and understated, right!?? yes of course, and maintain myself. im thinking, at a party or what not.......

um..........also need to lose weight again. ugh again!!???! wtf!?? i can do it tho!! no excuses. no 'there is no room in the fridge' i also need to up and at em, but how can i be active when confined in the pitfalls of this house!?? workout videos!?? i guess, but its funny to do with my parents around. there is a treadmill in the basement but im not sure it works!??! i hope they let me out to go to the gym!???!

the point is, i really do not have the means to worry about flying out there now. i have nothing to wear, no nice clothes to take delight in packing up. my hair sucks. i look and feel ugly. i have no money. i will become irritated with moss.

ahh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have so much shit on my mind tho! i am not going out there to be a fun soul hi fiving other hotties like a gypsy soul living in this las vegas strip while stripping and eating strip steak! "i strip on the las vegas strip while serving ya some top notch strip steak!"

sounds like an old man casino cheesy time huh!?? i also want a partner in crime! yeah! a thelma to my louise!  a butt buddy to butt around with! someone who likes to live like a movie!!! someone who likes to drink too! someone who wants to go to the brothels with me and drink at the bar, and buy massages from the girls there! ha!!!

idk!??!

i want a fun person in my life!!! i want someone who wants to dress up 90s style, with hot pink boas!!! cowboy boots!!! someone who will want to be my muse, and vice versa!!!

i want to finally have FUN in las vegas! i dont think i ever had pure, unadulterated fun in vegas!???! sinful delights! im just kidding!??! for me, having a drink at the rainbar would be fun!!! the rainbar is that bar at that one touristy place. lets youtube rainbar!! its at that jungle themed place at that one casino.

i want to have BIG BOOBS and small waist!! high heels! hair clip on extensions. tight ass! nice outfits!!! nice makeup!!! i want to look and feel hot!!!

why would i go out there now, looking and feeling the way i do!??! im disgusting now. ughh!!

i want to start feeling like a hottie!!! right!??! RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! high five!!

lets go to the bar!

oh btw, my appt is on thursday......this thursday with the endochrinologist. i need to go to the library to print out something tho!?? i need a referrel. i need to pick up the scripts the dr left.

see, i have all this shit i need to do!??! i cant head out to the AVNs but i will be there in spirit!!! drink your poisons for me!!!

maybe i should become a porn director!!! i can make up porn related stories!??!!

hmm.............its all been done before!??! im not a big 'porny' anyways. like i said, i do not watch porn...really!??! it makes me feel weird.

im gonna go........bye