eiffel

hello. today was an odd day i guess. i am so not used to feeling 'happy' and normal, that now i am coming down, for some reason i just felt a tinge of paranoia. (i think it might of been moss triggering it...he started to accuse me of being mean and nasty and......i got real irritated and now i feel kind of....well, back to reality) maybe i am BI-POLAR!!! i mean, i feel a tinge of feeling happy and excited about life, but then i just come down.......and i feel depressed and paranoid.

i just want to be at a point in my life where i can be and feel comfortable not to give a shit. about anyone or anything...idk..i want to feel confident, i want to feel in charge of my life, and most of all healthy. i want to make others happy. i want to learn more about God and the Bible, live a good life! i do want to learn more about things i want to eat healthy i want to exercise, draw, write, CREATE!!!

so.......today. like i said, since i have been taking my medications, well, since i am now taking 112 mcgs DAILY!!! i am beginning to notice a difference. someone even told me i will start to notice a difference too. 

i feel more energetic, happy i guess. except for now, i am feeling kind of worried, like, i dont have money!??! is it smart of me to go out there? i mean........im feeling worrisome!??! worrisome walrus..........

i went to the mall today. idk i was bored and didnt want to just sit around.

i woke up and i felt the need to stretch. i had a stretch that would never feel like it got stretched, if that makes sense!??! like, that feeling where the muscle is too short for the bone...or vice versa. anyways, i hate when this happens because it really bothers me. it goes away if i take a painkiller, but i dont have any more left really.
i did take a codeine one or two and it did take away the pain. anyways, going to the mall always makes me feel better, but then it doesnt. it makes me wish i had money! you know!? if i have a good job, then i CAN buy myself nice things!

so.......im starting to come down and im feeling depressed. i was excited and decided to tell moss i do want to come out for concert and las vegas, but now i am falling back because i am worried. i do not have money for one, and also, i do not want to feel paranoid. also, i do not have anything nice to wear, my hair is ugly..

hmm i dont know now. i just......im back to feeling depressed!!!!!!!

and bored and tired...... :(

going to the mall was ok, it made me think of things to add to the list!

books! oh boy books, barnes and noble!
here are some books (alice's adventures in wonderland, grimm's fairy tales, h.p. lovecraft, the hobbit)

also.........confessions of an ivy league frat boy

mind programming by elon taylor (who mentions 'rapport' and nuero linguistic programming

hmm so now i dont know, i was like, 'ok i want to go!' but since talking to moss, im thinking, well.........i know how it will be like. i dont think its a good idea. :(

whats the point of flying out if you dont feel confident!?? maybe i will sleep on it.

i got this cool (i think!??!) eiffel tower which lights up, christmas lights!!! i like it! its tall tho! lately i have been liking eiffel tower. (support france!) idk i like the eiffel tower tho. i used to not like it because it is not creative, its like for females who cannot define style on their own so they allow Target to tell them how to decorate, (audrey hepburn, breakfast at tiffanys, delicate french coffee font, eiffel tower, parisian esque high heels and frou frou) <that is not my style at all btw! but now idk, i kind of like the eiffel tower...who knows!??

mike and i got in a fight, but i went to pick up a french press tonight....

i am so frazzled. i want to drive my car before i lose my license! driving and listening to music makes me feel good. it ups my mood. also........well, i gave mike a hug.

i dont want to make him upset because i am going out to LA/las vegas now!??!?

i just want to be succesful and on top of my game. right!??

meaning, im tired now!???! i need to clean out my room and make it cool!!! and find a spot for that big eiffel tower. 



EDIT moss keeps msging me WHat moss oh i was not in any way 'mean and nasty' he is just so nosy. he wanted me to call him and i did, and my mom gave me the bag she got me a nice pair of pants from New york and company (see!?? ya made it to the blog)....

rolls EYES! also, a brow definer from sephora. i got a pacman shirt for myself.

so yeah, moss.......he said, 'who are you talking to lori' im like, your so nosy geez! why does he have to know who i am talking too in my room i didnt want anyone to know im on phone im just being me i dont want to blog about him tho..im not sure if i should go because idk its just....well, anyways........WHAT DOES HE WANT NOW!??!? (i keep seeing moss messaged you on the facebook tab blinking)

he is just telling me something he has already told me!! he always repeats the same things he tells me all the time!

a snipe btw i wanted to look for what movie theaters do with their cardboar...WHAT IS IT THIS TIME!??! erghhhhhhhhhhh

snipe is not...i wanted to look for cardboard cutouts we seen the night at the museum and we saw the cardboard cutout blah bla 

and so i thought of snipe. you know, i have NEVER heard that term snipe before, but i assumed it was a term about those movie poster things moss likes to collect. well, it was all a lie!!

because NO ONE SAYS SNIPE! it is NOWHERE online!??! moss....he is the only one who uses that term!!!

a movie snipe, i mean, i guess if you look hard enough oh who cares!??! WHO CARES