great i have world wide coupon back here i need to get rid of it! its nice and snowy outside, i would like to take pictures of snowy capped snowys.............idk!?????? anyways..........if i had money, if i just stayed on my path when i was 24 years old, which was going to school for graphic and web design and having two jobs, working at the walmart 1 hour photo lab as well as party city......well, i wonder where i would be by now!? if i never chased dreams of modeling or whatever it was i fell into...i mean, i never really thought about modeling. people told me to submit my photos to those magazines and stuff. i mean, im sure i would just have a normal life, a kid or two, working, having my own house, maybe married!???! i know i would of been happy tho! id feel fulfilled. but my path now is so odd!???!

ok here is the deal. technically, this is my 4th dui. did you read that right? yes you did. i also got out of duis a few times too. i have gotten pulled over a few times and i was under the influence, but for some reason they let me go. so yeah, i have driven under the influence plenty of times.

i never really thought about it. see now, i would not even entertain the thought of drinking and driving. i mean, yes, last year i did. no excuses, but i also thought how pointless it was to go to bethelehm. its so far! now i would drink at someones house, or have someone else drive. when i was in LA and las vegas, i was always walking.

before we would meet up at friends houses, or whatever we did. and i would drive, blasting the heat and/or music........first dui was when i was hanging out in a cornfield with my ex boyfriend glenn. we had beer and blakhaus, and he bought more blakhaus and i blacked out and i drove home and i do not even remember crashing but i flipped my car and awoke on the roof surrounded by grass and shattered grass. it was a miracle i survived or did not crash into anyone else!

2nd time was a year later, i forget? 2004.....i was hanging out in highbridge with aj and some others and we were going to our friends after and ughh i think THIS is the one that got me in trouble now!!! i wanted to drive with steve but stupid AJ insisted i was ok to drive i was but i was following him and it swerved a bit i guess and i got a DUI. this is the one which did not make it to the 10 year point...assholes!

the other one was while driving back from my ex bf jeremys friends house we were hanging out there at this girl marias (i think?) her house in bethlehem and his brother needed a ride home we were supposed to sleep there but he insisted he needed a ride home, so i just drove them back swerved or something bam cops pulled me over. since it was my first in PA and that one above has not been registered yet (this was about a month apart from above one) i got the ARD program which wiped that one off my record for PA.

this last time i wrote about it...but it has been 10 years from my second NJ one, (they go by 10 years) i JUST missed it by a few months!

so now this is occurring.

today i called the job, they said its fine about the work release and they will work with me.

its like a miracle!!! this job just seems to work out for me!

i just want my life to get back to normal. i want to feel complete and work, save money. when i work i feel good because i am making money.

i just want to have my own place, nice friends, i want to remember how it feels to be happy, i want my own style of clothes! a new hairstyle, tattoos...i want to start doing hobbies again, writing, creating. maybe publishing (synch when i wrote this a commercial for PUBLISHERS clearing house came on!) finally doing the final draft screenplays. im sick of wasting days!!!

yes i want a kid too!????

so yes im going to go now.