las vegas targetted individual edition

i want you to read this and actually pay attention! this is not just occurences that just happen to occur, this is a prime example of being targetted in some aspects. it might seem funny and silly, but it opens up another arena of actually KILLING people because it is part of rituals. anyways, i am going to blog about this weekend before i attempt to take a terribly cold and weak shower. 

i am happy to be home, although i am kind of annoyed at how worried my dad gets over this blizzard hype. he kept txting me and asking me to call the courts etc. see, my flight was fine! the original flight was actually cancelled, but this one is good.

anyways i am drained and exhausted i should take a shower. tomorrow is the court date. im not in the mood to write about the weekend.....oh well, i will i guess.

so i guess i should write about saturday? i do not know!??! i forget!!!??! friday.......what did we do? oh we just sat in the hard rock 'coffee shop' while moss kept talking and telling stories. it was........unmemorable? cuz i dont remember!!??!?

im not going to blog every detail just a few highlights that i remember. its just been a blur of listening to moss talk, non stop, for 4 executive non stop days!??! so brandon stayed with us, it was a nice room with a couch and we also had a pullout cot too. mike esterman stayed in the room as well for some reason. (there were 2 rooms and 2 beds ) idk, i was so clueless!! im not sure what we did friday night but it must of been kind of boring since i dont remember!???  oh..yeah i dont know!?? its all kind of a haze of moss talk. vegas is fun, but leave the casino! plenty to do! go to shows, cirque, comedy, magic etc. i did see that farrah abraham was hosting a party and i also saw a bunch of other things to do

anyways, saturday we ate at hard rock. it was good food but all greasy plates! i am so not eating well anymore! :) 

we did not eat till late. i have an IB friend who mentioned that he might stop by the hard rock, but it would be around 1 pm since he didnt want to hold me up for later plans. well by the time we ate it was 530 pm, so 1 pm ended. (prior to that we had to get moss' corsage as part of his charlie cappocino prop) ...while eating, i guess moss was trying to figure out a way to get us in the show...(oh yes night before we went to the hustler club that is right. strippers) 
moss hates strip clubs he didnt want to go he said he would of rather sat and talked to everyone. on the plane ride back i kept hearing moss talking too. anyways yeah

moss told me to go get changed and go meet ron and walk with him on the red carpet to get in. i was like, 'no! no moss its ok!!!" seriously! i did NOT want to walk on the red carpet!!! earlier, someone posted a pic of beyonce posing like a mannequin on the red carpet and i was wondering why people think they zone out. its not 'zoning out and looking like a mannequin' you are just standing there and having your pictures taken. moss kept saying if i didnt go i would not be able to get in the show. i mean, it wasnt a big deal for me. i had plain dresses and i was like ughh

i didnt want to go on the red carpet i told moss no its fine! but it was all so confusing so i just went to room to try to get ready so i can attempt to manage to look
(oh great matt called my parents i guess lisa is picking fights with him she is probably drunk i dont know the deal i think it is because she feels like her life is work and go home she wants a baby she probably feels lost. i mean, i want to talk to matt and say, 'when you DRINK, it releases EMOTIONS and you get very moody, angry, out of your mind, even if you try to regain composure. she works but she is still insecure and unstable and emotional and a glass of wine will open up this and i actually think she sees my facebook posts and pictures and gets upset and jealous in a way, and it had to of triggered her. i dont even want to post on facebook anymore because i dont want to...i just dont want too. i dont want to appear silly and foolish and some sort of person who is living in the clouds because i am not that way. and i drink and i will explain why i do ok!???! this is a problem and my parents have no idea how to talk to her because they do not understand i understand more but she will just put me down. i mean i know what to say. but i am so insecure of myself and i feel like SHIT and i HATE myself! i hate the way i come off i hate the way people treat me or think of me.


anyways, hashtag emotional problems!!! but i understand completely but no one wants to hear me out. i think she was drinking maybe work cancelled tomorrow whatever im done!!!

so i told moss, no i dont need to go on the red carpet. i had that boring purple dress that is not flattering (my dad is so worrisome. i am saying you need to find solace and serenity in life. my dad is just worried all the time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

if i had a nice shapely dress (my sister wants a baby and my parents want a grandchild. i mean, i want a baby oh my gosh my dad does not know what to say to her! ) TERRIBLE ADVICE! my muffin top is bigger because i am eating TERRIBLY and i DO KNOW THIS! the other dress i grabbed was a pink checkered dress that is too big for me...(i bought it cheap at bon ton)...it is scrunchy on the sides. it just makes me look big because IT IS TOO BIG! but i figured that one was a bit cuter then the boring purple dress my mom bought me to wear on the cruise. i mean, the porn stars were all 'stunning! beautiful! gorgeous!" and they are, i am not even on the same level as them, i admit it i dont care. but at least if i had time and money i could put in the effort to finally attempt to buy some nice outfits, some good shoes, get a new hairstyle, also yes i do need to lose weight i know this! i was down to 125 two years ago i had a nice body i was getting there all i needed was to do my hair the way i want and get more tattoos (i like!) what else, clothes i feel comfortable wearing, etc.....

i mean, it doesnt matter after a while, but it does feel good to feel pretty or attractive and to be fit and confident. and i felt stupid and gross my hair was all lanky and staticky i felt like a true IDIOT on the red carpet OK!??? but it was neat because like i said beyonce was looking mannequined out, but i had a sense of how it feels to be on the red carpet ( i already was a few times)...all the paps and cameras are snapping pictures and what they do is they say 'over here over here' and so you look in the directions smile and be pretty (cept for me i was SO PLAIN AND BORING and wearing my fashion bug shoes and a canvas leather purse (i didnt even bring a clutch) and i bet they will crop me out of the photos. i mean ,it was cool and thanks to ron and mike who got me on the carpet but i was not dressed in a way where i would feel hawt and sexy and confident. seriously! it matters!

mike gave me some sort of anxiety tablet which helped because i do get all paranoid i guess!????!

it was cool like i said i just wish i looked and felt better. i told moss i didnt want to go on the red carpet. evan stone was there hanging around and making jokes too. so then they got in and ron and viviane went to the front row and mike was looking for a seat for me so he spotted a seat next to all the fat porn girls (who looked good but yeah....) so yeah fine! sit me by fellow fatties its ok! (i just.....whatever!?) then he found another seat for me next to another overweight 'tim and eric' type of woman and some guy with his porn starlet..........so, i kind of felt like...weird but that painkiller thing kicked in so i was alright...

then i saw moss looking like cappocino so he got me and had me sit next to ron and viviane. i was front row which was cool! they even got me on the camera (but keep in mind i felt so UGLY AND GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( )

that new um.........those guys that sing about 'shrim life' SHRIM? ReALLY? they were just on conan too..........its that rap duo i dont know!?? 'i dont give a fuck' song......

oh so later someone made a joke....and he said 'squidbillies' out of nowhere!?? he just said 'squidbillies' and i was like, OK!!!!!?? (i have squidbillies tattoo) and then that shrim duo started doing that song and a bunch of HOT twerkers and porn stars went up to dance and one of them grabbed viviane (shes a stripper and she looked that way) and then tried to get me ok let me tell you something..

the pink camisole thing i wore underneath (so my bra straps wouldnt show) started bunching up an rolling up because it got too tight on me because i gained belly weight so i was so uncomfortable but i couldnt unroll it. the girl wanted me to go on stage and i was like ,shaking my head no! i said 'no i dont want too' but she grabbed me and i felt so DISGUSTING and the shirt underneath rolled up and i probably looked carol shrim like with that weird pluto ring around my belly


what the fuck i mean i was so insecure and felt like, just ugly. it was embarrassing because i didnt even dance i was just trying to hide my FAT BELLY!

i have a bunch of things on my mind but im not going to write it now.

but still

it was cool i think they wanted me (squidbilly) on stage........fine!?

what else? yeah i was not all styled up!! so rons after party was at the house of blues. dave pearce (who has been on the dirty site a real jerk google it) showed up and he was being a dumbass and moss was showing a stripper girl he was interested in all his celebrity pictures (he shows everyone. it his him with a serious face standing next to famous people. so dave started making fun of him.


i felt like it was a wack pack of sorts (i thought of that)

it was all wacky.

so anyways, we went back to casino i just didnt want to go back to the room alone or be stuck with no one to hang out with ron and them were leaving but i didnt want to go to some swingers party (i dont think they did) i drink alot because i feel like it helps......alleviate the feelings of inadequacy i have and i just wanted to get drunk, which i did. george showed up for a bit then i saw a person with a leather jacket and the eye of horus and a jacket that said ILLUMINATI on it and i saw mike was  talking to him......(maybe it was to get my attention) then brandon showed up and moss and him and i went to ceasers casino it was crazy drunk but fun.........i dont know!?? now i feel stupid but whatever

anyways, sunday mike had taken us all to a fancy buffet which had a line but we didnt not wait in line. it was really good food, seafood..pastas, sushi, mexican. i just got full but i really did appreciate it. the table next to us was a bunch of loud, italian sterotypes. moss said that guy is just obnoxious, he's loud and obnoxious. (bingo! moss you just explained yourself!) someone even said, 'its like a real life comedy act'....moss was so happy he had the chance to talk more! i was getting worried about my flight home. we sat at that buffet place for hours! ron made arrangements for us to see penn and teller and backstage tickets, but i had to be at the airport. my dad was worrying so much too, msging me every second

(oh yes earlier moss and i ran into 'stormy' daniels in the elevator) STORMY like this storm! but yeah so then.........we walked around then we went back to hard rock and got ready brandon had to catch his flight too. hes really cool he owns the amphitheaters that book concerts in arizona and phoenix all the way to tacoma philedelphia atlanta LA

i still feel nutty from las vegas and the AIRPORT

so brandon and i went back to the airport and had an airport drink then said bye he said he can possibly get craig ferguson tickets for me!??!

hopefully!!??!

i dont want this DUI. come on! ughhhhhhh i want to start working (at this warehouse) and go to the comedy show.


hmm.........so those drinks we had (vodka cran and a 'french toast' cinnamon toast or something) went through my system so when i got to my gate i had to piss a few times and the second time i just left my carry-on under the chair and ran to the bathroom and all that. so flight to cincinatti occurred i did not sleep i had to pee so bad. i had revelations up in the sky flying out of las vegas you could see the whole city from the sky its amazing! and then the sky was so clear the stars seemed to welcome and love me the way a pet does, unconditionally. then i saw what reminded me of a big giant almost kissing our plane it was the mountains. it was amazing. i had revealtions but i will save it for later.


at cincy i went to the gate and i went to charge my phone and i was going to plug it in the wall (other outlets were being used).....and i saw a bag that was left behind, (not to mention the fact that CNN was on loud talking about ISIS and i was thinking terrorists so i told the gate lady.) cnn had a preview for a show where they do pranks. the gate lady asked me when i got there i said i just got there. so the lady came back and sat right next to the charger, and the gate lady said to her, 'are those your bags? it is illegal to leave them. we had to call the police" but police never showed up. (i think it was too let me know they saw me leave my carryon under my seat and they set that up. airports and tsa remind us of the all seeing eye. i also forgot that the second plane was a small plane and the flight attendant told me i had to leave my bag it was too big to bring on plane. when we got to newark i was being punished because i had to wait in the cold for my bag.

there were a bunch of annoying people waiting too. chipper happy conversational types.........and a bitchy looking couple of  course, with yuppie bitch faces.....you know? and then i got up to get ready to go on plane and she called 'brown' i thought it was me since last time my name was called it was another brown? lol idk, some little man or something. this is all so tim and eric-esque........and also terrorist and the power of the fakeness this world is based on. btw, when the porn actresses won awards, they did not seem REAL they were so over-embellished and acting overly surprised, speaking in baby voices and crying and being marionnetted by satan himself. its really odd.

but yeah and i facebooked' why is everyone so chipper at this time in an airport" people were all talking like a bunch of...........tv stars. i got in line to board and the lady was like' good morning' to each person and when i got there she stubbed her words and thought i was like, handing her something to get scanned? my ticket. the woman in front of me, she was like 'good morning' and that grey haired older lady was like, "Good Morning!" all chipper, and i was after her and she said all that and she then was like 'Mondays!" (like she tried to show me she was putting on a fake show and the lady in front of me was over doing the chipper)

i am tired but it is strange!? oh yes before that i reached into my purse to find the ticket and i found the ripleys believe it or not ticket,  it was the lady with the bulgy eyes. well the person i was seated next to had a bulgy wonky eye......i mean, if this stuff happens to you it would feel very odd!

but the plane landed safely (oh i saw the thing that defrosts the plane, it had a number 33 on it and a number 11 i was going to take a picture but it moved)

so.......what else!???????? just nutty stuff. so my court date is tomorrow.

and here are some pics.......

craig gross's church xxx.church (i got a free tee shirt!)

kind of looks like it was spelling something in the sky

red carpet

this is the shirt i wore that my muffin top made it roll up underneath my dress which was why i felt so awkward on the stage

oh so the IB guy was so upset because he went to the hard rock but i was already on the red carpet. he was so pissed and upset at me and calling me names because he feels i ditched him. well i am so confused and moss was telling me to go on the red carpet this and that.

but i guess IBers warned him about me whatever the FUCK THAT MEANS!!

whatever. i need to go to sleep! i will write more later!

oh yes so on facebook this is odd. after sages posts, i seen this...

i swear i thought this was sage, but its not it was after sages posts. look what hand sign this sage lookalike is doing!??

ok well im going to sleep! see this TI shit runs deep. well im a warrior! im brave! im courageous RAWRRR!!