So, I am going to write out a few thoughts before it gets too late. Lately, life for me has just been about waiting for the day to end. I woke up at 9am, but decided to go back to sleep, and then I had woken up at 12:20pm. It felt like I had slept in so late! Yesterday, I sat at the kitchen table and listened to music and tried to do crafts. If I want to create pictures, I need smaller peices of cardboard, because I have no idea what to draw on such a large peice of cardboard. I also want to start doing collages, but I need clear glue and deli paper and paints and all that. I also started snipping out tips and recipes from womens world magazine, but I do not have a scrapbook to put the clippings in. Once I get out, I will go to Hobby Lobby or Michaels for all my crafting items. I remember when I was 25, and when I used to work at the Walmart photo lab, this older woman that worked there used to do crafts, and I always felt like crafting was an old maid's hobby. HA! anyways! I have DUI projects I would like to do as well, such as a lipstick print t-shirt, and tea bag decoratives.

Moving along, I have been watching these ASMR videos. I do like the role-play aspect, I think, because I am lonely and bored. Ok, should I talk about being lonely, or continue on about my ASMR ideas????

So, I have been home 22 days. Oh wait, let me take my bra off and get comfy and cozy. Comfy and cozy is great, but there does come a time when you just want to get out and about.

Friday nights. that is what got me in trouble!! I would always feel like i have to do something on a friday night. to me, it signified the end of a week, a busy work week, and friday is down time! going out is fun, yeah?

well, sara was msging me to meet them. i dont really have much ppl to pick me up and drive.
i mean, mike never wants to do anything with me, and that wknd jays daughter was over. i dont talk to anyone else really.


anyways, ok since i just mentioned jay, lets talk about him for a bit. see, i think he did read my blogs, the ones where i always say i want to meet someone. see, he comes over, well he did that one weekend. he hasnt since. but he brought thai food and movies. which was cool. you know?

i asked him if he wanted to come over this weekend but he says he has plans. which is fine, i get that. but...its not fair to me. i mean, i would not do that to a friend. he knows i am interested in him as a friend only, which works, but then he doesnt want to come over anymore because he is trying to meet someone else. i mean, so its almost like, im not good enough. i would not ditch a friend ever.

im fun, im interesting. i mean, fine if jay wants to go out with someone by all means, but when i asked him days in advance, he cant set a day to come over, in hopes that something better will come up. but you know, i have ditched him for mike, right? and mike doesnt even care about hanging out with me!! he falls asleep when we try to watch movies!?!


what other friends do i have? this is really starting to get depressing. the only reason why i went out that friday of my dui is because i was bored and lonely. i actually posted on fb about going to red lobster.

see? I found this post, from march 14th last year (2014)


So craving lobster tail! (In a Mae West voice) "which one of you handsome boys wanna take me out to a lobster dinner tonight?" LOL!! Chill!! I'm joking around...I'm really just amusing myself . On another note, my mom made me my lunch today (luv ya mom!) and I have no idea what it is I feel like Dorothy in return to oz opening up her lunch pail. Whut!?!! Go on, judge me if you will! (Some sort of sandwich)


ok thats great and all, but no one took me up on that offer  (snort) and look what its gotten me into. and this was LAST year!??! i didnt really care but i was bored...i went out. 

sigh....now i have 38 more days of nothingness and 5 years of probation, which means i will be baby sat. and i have fines. i just want my life to be blessed.

i feel so alone right now. i cant stand this! i cant!!! i have no one. no one cares enough to just be my friend. 

i dont care anymore. i think i should move tho. i am over this.

this is why i want to drink. actually, i dont really do, but, if i could, i probably would....

alright...


on to the next topic. i sort of wish jen and christine did not tell me to call SMX. they got asked to stay, and work on slim fast. yeah i was kind of upset that they ask a few to stay at work, and havent asked me, but jen told me that they are not sure if there is going to be work next week. auggie called and said there may be work  next tuesday or wednesday. sigh. whatever you know!??!

all of this is teaching me patience. breathing techniques. i might do yoga.....i try practice breathing. time is what we make of it.

now, on to the ASMR ideas i have!

hmm..maybe i should put on some makeup and make a video!? yes i am that bored!!! i do have my fake eyelash glue!??! but this camera sucks! where is my good camera i bought for 50.00? that was a good camera! this one on this laptop freaking SUCKS!!!



ok so i have a few ideas for Asmr type videos. you see, when you are bored, sometimes it is nice to watch virtual type videos..

why is the font cutting off like that? can you read it!??!

so i want to start making videos where i am doing calming things such as eating sushi, or 

even , well...hanging out you know? role playing...explaining. i love when people have a calming essence about that. its just very peaceful.

i am going to make some of me cooking....drinking uh....glass of wine oh you see, i dont want to drink, but i do like to watch people drinking. not getting wasted drunk, but just...wine sipping or scoth or whatever and getting a nice pleasant buzz on. and in the safety of their home or whatever!


im not going to uh...


im not going to make a video today...because it seems like a dreary day. so maybe tomorrow i can do my hair and all that. but what will i make the video of?!??!


um......i have no idea. i am lonely tho. the tv is off. all i hear is the clicking of the clock, and a car driving outside, and some birds.

we can be heros! that song is in my head. its by um....i dont know. not the rock song tho...isnt that a rock song!???

im so fucking bored damnet!!!!



im going to watch the asmr dr role play now....later






i went into the basement marble and ming ming followed me...i was gonna look through my stuff i brought back from mikes but didnt feel like it. i want to find my good webcam i hate when my stuff goes missing!?


like where is my cast iron owl!??!? anyways, i also keep looking for my good drawing i did of the short haired lady smoking a cigarette when i was in high school, i cant find that either!


i cant find a lot of things :(

im mad!!! 

hmm......................

damn i am bored